My Sunshine
by Nasse
Summary: What happens when you louse your family, your friends..? What happens when all you have left is pain and suffering? Kakashi knows... But what happens when you find that special someone that makes the sunshine shine even in the darkest of places? KakaIru
1. pain

**hello everyone :3 as some of you might know, I'm Naru and I'm at this very moment working on a fanfiction with my Sasuke :) here is the link: .net/s/4432241/1/Book_Of_Mixed_Emotions**

**I'm very happy if you read that one too ;)**

**well any way, I felt like writing some thing about a particular paring x3 kyu I love it! any way ^^ **

**This is just a preview though, the chapters are going to be longer and stuff but I hope you'll enjoy it :D please review cause I'm not going to post any more of it if you don't tell me you want me to x3 I really hope you'll enjoy it! tehe :) **

**ps. have uppdated it because of missunderstandings with the lines XD thanks too a lot of reviews and my friend Kyomi  
**

**-  
**

He hid, hid himself from the world of darkness he was trying to escape, hiding from that life of total despair he had had to endure for almost four years now. Hiding his face in his tiny hands, he crawled down into the bathtub and felt the cold, blank surface against his back, trying not to squeal as he heard those steps and that angry voice call for him outside.

There was a sudden smash and he knew, oh God he knew all too well that he wasn't alone in the tiny bathroom any more. The shower drapery was pushed aside, exposing the small, shaking boy to those greedy eyes, making the boy put his arms over his head even though it was useless to even try defending himself.

"Well look who we've got here" His step dad smirked and grabbed his arm hard, pulling him upward so that he had to stand up in the bath.

The boy wined as his shoulder twisted and though he tried not to look hurt, not to give himself away it was pointless.

"Please father..."

"Shut up freak!" the man shouted straight in his face, his breath smelling nasty from all booze and cigarettes he had been consuming. "Don't go around calling me father! You mean nothing to me!"

With a hard shove he threw the now crying boy straight into the wall and the little one moaned with pain as his wounds from all times before opened again.

"Please" Fe whispered breathlessly but the older man just smirked like always and pulled him back up on his legs.

"Didn't I tell you that you're not allowed to cry?" he cursed, still smirking and grabbed the boys throat hard with his big hand.

The little one staird at him with big scared eyes. The tears just didn't stop falling and his head was about to explode as he tried to breath. The hand around his throat now was so smothering that he had to cough and he desperately tried to push it away but it was no use.

"S-stop it!" he begged as he struggled to breath. "It hurts..."

His stepfather just smirked and grabbed his hurt shoulder hard in his other hand, making the boys vision blurry with pain as more tears filled his eyes.

"you're telling me that hurts?" he smirked as the boy looked at him with pain filled eyes. "Then how about this...?"

The boy gasped for air ones again as the raw, cold hatred in the man's eyes made his entire body tremble with fear.

"No more please" he begged but his words were meaningless.

His step dad grabbed his arm again, twisting it upwards in the completely wrong direction, to far and the little one screamed a scream that didn't even sound human as his already hurt shoulder popped out of it's joint with a smack.

"Not so cocky any more are we?" the smirking man said and pushed him down on the ground against the cold wall.

The little one staird with horror in his tear filled eyes. He couldn't move, nor think. There was complete chaos in his mind and his lungs were struggling so hard to get air that his body was going numb.

"Please..."

His voice was not even a whisper any more and yet he tried. He tried desperately every time to make him stop, make him go away, make all the pain and memories fly out the window never to return. And then he felt it; in the moment when he almost thought that he had succeeded this time he felt his pants being pulled down by those hard hands and that stench of alcohol and smoked tobacco breathed in his face.

He looked up, so scared now his heart was about to stop, so frightened that his entire body was shaking unstoppably.

"No please" he begged ones again. "Not that....!"

His stepfather only smirked. Those lips curved in that awful way so close to the boys face made him nauseous and the taste of puke gurgled up in his throat. He tried to push the man's hard fingers away as they tugged and pulled in his pants but his stepfather was to strong and soon the boy was lying defencelessly naked on the floor with nothing to hide in, nothing to cover himself up with. Naked he was, under those cruel, cold eyes that were watching him day and night. Always watching, always judging.

His pail skin made the bruises and cuts seem ghostly real in the dim light and the man smirked statisticly as he let his rough fingers stroke the scars and down over the smoothness of the young ones skin.

The pail boy trembled under the man's touch, felt with fright how those disgusting fingers touched him like he was being owned by them. How those cursed lips kissed his skin, his body like they all belonged to that big, selfish man. Like he himself hand no value.

"Please don't" the little one whispered and looked up into those greedy eyes with pain and terror.

"Give me one good reason" the man just laughed with his horrid voice and pulled his fly down.

The zipping sound made the boys heart tremble even more than his body and he couldn't even feel the pain in his shoulder any more. Desperately he tried to get away, desperately he tried to hit and bite, desperately... but it was no use... no use struggling when you're a child at the age of eleven... against a horrid man to horrible even to describe...

-

He walked the gloomy corridors of the school with his head lowered, eyes fixed on his feet, hands in his pockets. His mind wasn't there, he wasn't aware of his actions or his feet even though he was looking at them. There were people looking, turning their heads when he passed them but he didn't notice them. No one could catch his interest, no one meant any thing to him. He was a loner, but he didn't mind... after all, that was what he deserved.

As he passed the teachers office, he supposed it was the teachers office, he looked up for the first time since he entered the greyish school building and he saw some young kids run past him with their arms stretched out like they where flying.

"Look at me!" the older one said and ran faster then his little sister. "When I grow up I'll be a flying ninja!"

The little girl tried to catch up to him but fell and scraped her knee. Her brother didn't stop at first, didn't even notice her tears.

_'pathetic, he thought. Can't he even get her to shut up?'_

A woman picked the girl up and hushed her tenderly in her arms.

"There there baby girl" she smiled. Don't cry more love..."

He sight and kept walking down the corridor as he heard the mothers angry words to her son echo after him. It annoyed him to hear her talking like that to her son, it was not like he had pushed his sister or any thing, an if he had been a real ninja he might have had to leave there any way. So what he did was right in one way. If he was supposed grow up to be a ninja he might just start acting like one already.

He speeded up, not good being late to his first lesson. The teacher seemed to be a strict one as they had talked the week before. If he was late for his first lesson then he might get on bad feet with his headroom teacher and that wasn't good so he kept walking until he came to the given classroom.

He stood outside, waiting to be let in, waiting to see all those faces that would hunt him for the rest of his school time. He sight, for like the hundred time that morning it seemed, then knocked the door discreetly. The voices from inside grew quiet in an instant and the teacher said something about "being nice and welcoming" and then the door opened to his new world of living hell.

"This every one is your new classmate" the teacher smiled and put a protecting (?) arm around his shoulders. "Why don't you introduce your self?"

He nodded and looked out over the big group of students, all in age fifteen to sixteen, all with bright and curious smiles, waiting for him to speak up.

"Hello everybody" he said with his low, intense voice. "My name is Hatake Kakashi... pleased to make your acquaintance."

**-**

**well? what did you think? could I have done it better or was it good? should I keep it up? w **

**please review x3 thanks ^^  
**


	2. loneliness

**well okay ^^ here is chapter 2 and I hope you'll like it :3 It's not really that mush action but it's kinda sweet =)**

**The chapters will be released when I have time to write but I still wanna know if you want me to continue writing or not x3**

**enjoy =3**

**-  
**

The class was silent for a while, some of the students looked surprised at the sight of their new classmates fair white hair and his one dark eye. Because of the fact that his left eye was covered up by his forehead protector and his mouth and nose were covered too, they couldn't see much of his facial appearance but still some of the girls started whispering with red cheeks and the boys looked grumpy.

Kakashi sight and looked at his teacher. What should he say now? 'I'm someone you shouldn't get involved with, cause I don't like ether one of you' or 'If you get in the way of my studying I swear I'll kick your stupid asses'. He laughed a bit to himself. What would happen if he actually did say something like that?

His teacher looked back at him with a "encouraging" smile that was saying something like: "say something kid, I don't have all day".

He looked out over the class again, seeing their faces, ether happily blushing or angry, girls moving so they would make place for him to sit. Boys doing the opposite, trying to take up all the space to be rid of him.

Kakashi smiled in secret, just remembering something he had almost forgotten, something that still had kept him alive all these years and with a slow motion of his right hand he raised it in greeting.

"Yo" he smiled, feeling bit stupid when smiling like that which he hadn't done for a long long time.

Some of the girls blushed even more and he realized that he might have over done the cuteness but he didn't really care, as long as they stayed out of his way.

The teacher encouraged them all to ask questions and the girls were already raising their hands, all of them asking questions like "when is your birthday?" "where do you live" and "do you have a girlfriend Kakashi-kun?" which of course was followed by a loads of giggling. His face was smiling the entire time but his mind was working on it so hard he could hardly listen to what they asked. He wasn't used to smile like that, especially when all his answers were lies and bluffs any way.

"Who do you live with Kakashi-kun?" a girl asked, the same one that had asked if he had a girlfriend.

"With my stepfather and stepmother" he smiled but didn't look at her.

"Are they very strict with you Kakashi-kun?" she asked. "Since you have to study so much?"

"They're not actually" he smiled. "They are very kind to me and treat me with respect."

The words sounded cold in his ears. The ringing sound of that man's screams and all the hitting and beating for the last ten years seemed so distant when he said they never happened, but still his chest hurt every time he tried to breath in deep. He knew that he couldn't run from his home and all that he had been through but he could at least try to ignore it here. If he didn't tell them, they wouldn't bring it up and if he made up a new truth about his life then he at least would have some peace from it.

He lied, lied with a smile on his lips, though no one could see them. He lied with his eyes and with his body. Moved lightly even though it hurt every time he did so and all the time his mind was working harder than ever not to slip into talk about the truth.

All class was watching him, paying attention to him and only him. He had all students in the palm of his hand and all he said they believed.

It had taken some time for the guys be get interested in him but now they were listening. If it was to know how to brake him in the end or to get to know him, Kakashi didn't know but at least they all where listening... except one.

One boy was sitting in the back and he hadn't raised his head even ones, or maybe when he had entered the room, Kakashi hadn't really noticed him back then. The boy was looking out the window, watching the autumn leaves twirl in the wind, probably thinking of entirely different than this gloomy classroom with it's hospital white walls. He was resting his head in the palm of his hand , looking scaresly lonely as no one else was sitting with him.

Kakashi snort silently and kept on answering their questions. If that boy didn't want to ask or listen it was his business and Kakashi had nothing to do with it.

"How come you're living with step-parents Kakashi-kun?" one of the girls asked and for the first time he met her eye.

Was that really a question you should ask someone that apparently had lost his parents? Not like he was sad over it... Or he was but he was over it now, but any one else might have burst out in tears by a question like that. Their teacher was about to say that too, that he didn't have to answer the

question if he didn't want to but Kakashi just smiled with eyes locked to her.

"I hardly remember my mother" he said. "As I lost her at a quite young age but my father died in the beginning of the third ninja war..."

A motion in the back of the classroom caught Kakashis attention and he broke eye contact with the girl. The brown haired boy by the window had raised his head and was now looking straight at him with his dark brown eyes. Kakashi caught his gaze, looked straight into those eyes and in one second he understood exactly why that boy was so different from the rest of the class, in one second he saw all the pain in those eyes reflect back on himself. That boy was the same as him, that boy was living a hell that no one saw.. He knew the pain of loss that no other could understand. Then the moment was gone. The boy had looked away out the window again and Kakashi was left in silent.

He didn't know if what he had seen in those eyes was true or if the boy was just tired today but he didn't really care when he thought about it. So what if they had gone through the same thing before or if they understood the same pain of loss... That boy knew nothing of the hell Kakashi was living every day and he was never going to understand. What would he care if that boy looked away? What did he care if he had no one that understood...?

"Kakashi-kun do you have a best friend?"

The girls voice interrupted his thought and he looked at her, a bit out of concentration, not smiling any more and apparently giving her the chills.

"Every one that I've ever loved is dead..."

He hadn't meant for that to slip out, he didn't want them to know what he was like or what he had gone through an still he had answered her from the bottom of his lonely heart.

The class, that had been chatting a bit before now grew extremely quiet and all eyes were fixed on him. Even the boy in the back was looking now but Kakashi didn't look back, didn't meet any ones eye any more. The truth was spoken when it was forbidden to him and he felt the darkness grow inside him again.

The teacher looked at him with eyes filled of some sort of understanding. Perhaps he knew about Kakashis past or maybe he knew how it felt to lose someone in war. Either way he slowly stood up and smiled gently.

"Well Kakashi-kun" he said and looked out over the silent classroom. "Everyone, lets be good comrades now and let Kakashi-kun into the class shall we?"

The class got back to life and all of them agreed. Their teacher smiled to Kakashi and the boy met his eyes. That man might not be so stupid after all...

"You can sit in the back where there is a lot of spare places" the man smiled and and Kakashi went there without another word to the class.

He sat down, rethinking his story and how he could explain that his perfect life was filled with so much sadness and sorrow. The brown haird boy beside him seemed distant and yet really close, like he had something the other idiots lacked. He wasn't looking out the window any more but paying attention to what the teacher was teaching. Kakashi didn't listen, just sat there, looking straight forward like it was obligated of him.

"And remember" their teacher said. "Please don't jostle on your way to the food court okay? You'll just get in trouble."

"Hai sensei" they all answered in loud voices.

Kakashi looked up. Lesson ended already?

The boy beside him was about to stand up but fell of his chair. Some of the other ones laughed as he fell and Kakashi, that had figured the brown hared to be a real crybaby, was a bit surprised when the boy got up and laughed with them, hand on his neck.

"Iruka-kun you're so clumsy" one of the girls laughed and the brown hared blushed a bit.

"Y-yeah" he smiled.

Kakashi snort and stood up fast, making the other ones quiet just by the way he looked at them.

"Pathetic" he whispered and left the room.

That boy wasn't happy even though he tried to be. They didn't laugh with him, they laughed at him. he was lonely even though he was with them because they were with him just cause it was amusing to make fun of him. That boy, Iruka or what ever his name was, was nothing more that the class clown, the one they could all make fun of and he wouldn't even show how hurt he was. Kakashi knew that type all to well he thought. There is one in every class and that person will never be completely accepted, not until it's to late...

He went by himself to the food court, filling his plate with food but not eating it, just watching how other students came and went as time passed. Some girls, apparently from his class, said hello to him but they didn't dare sit with him. He sight in relief. Good, now he didn't have to talk to them..

The lunch hoer passed slowly as he just sat there and after a while he realized that his gaze had rested on that boy again. He didn't know how long he had been watching him but it was when the boy met his eyes that he had realized it. The boy had stopped smiling now and they just looked at each other.

"Iruka-kun are you listening?" the girl beside him said with irritated voice.

"I'll be right back" he said and left their table.

"Iru-chan?"

'Oh no, Kakashi thought. He's heading this way.' He quickly grabbed his plate and stood up like he was about to leave even if he hadn't eaten one bite. But the brown hared boy didn't stop, just kept coming closer. What would he say? Kakashi had no idea. He hadn't talked to any one of his age between four eyes for years and this almost scared him.

"Hi" the boy smiled and Kakashi froze. "How'ya doing?"

"Ehm..."

He felt so stupid. "ehm.."? What sort of answer was that? He shook his head and turned away, which of course was even more stupid but he seriously didn't know what to say.

"I want to be alone" was the only thing he could say but the boy behind him just smiled.

"I can understand that" he said with sweet voice. "Just, when you feel like having someone to talk to I'll be here."

Kakashi looked at his food, he wasn't good at this. 'If only you had still been here, what would you have done?'

The boy had turned away too, already walking back to his "friends" at the other table and in a flash Kakashi turned back. He hadn't thought it through at all but he needed to ask, or he felt like asking.

"What's your name..?"

The words sounded pathetic to him but to his surprise, the boy turned his head back over his shoulder and smiled for real towards him.

"I'm Umino Iruka" he said and caught his eye with a blink. "Nice to make your acquaintance Kakashi-san."

As Kakashi came home he hurried up to his room and dropped his school bag on the floor, taking forth a notebook from his drawer and fetched a pen from his desk. He was determined to write it, that which he had been wanting to write for such a long time. But before the edge of the pen even touched the fragile paper the outer door sounded down in the hall and Kakashis heart sank in his chest. He was home... And this night would be no different from all the other nights...

**-**

**I'll keep on posting if you keep reviewing ;)  
**

**I wanna know what I can do better and stuff like that :) already working on next chapter that's called: "my letter for you"**

**see ya soon :)  
**


	3. my letter for you

**Okay the third chapter is out ^^ hope you like this one too :D **

**this might be a bit different but... well you might get a hang of Kakashis feelings a bit more in this one ^^**

**enjoy x3  
**

-

The pain of the man's fists made him squeal but no tears were visible to that cruel man's eyes. If he saw the pain he would just smirk and hit him even more so Kakashi kept holding them back, protecting his face and head with his fragile arms the best he could.

His stepmother sat at the table outside the room. She was crying like always but Kakashi didn't even know why. She didn't care about him so why was she sad? Her husband took out his aggressions on him not on her, she should be happy.

The man pulled him up on his feet by grabbing his hair and Kakashi squealed ones again. Parts of his silver white hair came of and the man slapped him hard in the face, pushing him against the wall, kicked him in the stomach but didn't give him time to catch his breath before kicking again. Kakashi fell, through the darkness of his mind, down to the bottom of his conciousness... Seeing their faces in front of him... Seeing his face so clear yet so far away...

He was bleeding from the head, blood dripping down into his eyes making it impossible to see any more. He was crying, crying tears of blood for what was ones lost and should never be restored...

The taste of blood poisoned the water and his head was beating like drums in his ears. He looked at himself in the vast mirror and saw that face before him, the face he hated, the one he would never be able to love; himself.

He sighed and touched his scared left eye gently without opening it. Why had it come to this?

As he had washed his face in the sink he made his way back to his room on shaking legs. He had been lying on the bathroom floor for three hours before waking up and by now the others were asleep as usual.

He sank down on his bed, head still pounding hard and with a cloth pressed against the wound in the back of his head. It was hard for him to think clear but he knew that it was a bad time to sleep now, better to try to stay awake as long as possible.

He looked over at the desk where the black notebook still lay untouched. What was it that he had been wanting to write in it? The words had disappeared and been replaced by pain again like always. He sight again and got up with difficulty. The pages of the book where clean, lying there just waiting fro him to write on them.

He went over to the desk and sat down with hands resting on the sides of the black book. 'It's to late, he thought. Why should I write it now..?.' His heart was aching as he thought back. It was to late... Why did it have to be to late..? Slowly he lifted the pencil, slowly he dipped it in the ink, slowly he let his hand move over the pages, making tender lines as it went....

-

_I wish my life was different, I wish you'd be here._

_I wish non of what happened had happened because if it hadn't..._

_you'd still be here_

_I know you told me to be strong, that I should be me and no one else..._

_but I can't, not without you..._

"_If I hadn't been so selfish" _

_that was what I used to think_

"_if I just had listened"_

_but I didn't when I could..._

_please forgive me for not letting go_

_please forgive me for not being able to even do that for you_

_the thought of you keeps me going_

_the thought of you by my side makes me strong_

_so forgive me for being selfish..._

_but I can't let you go_

_..._

_This is my letter for you_

_god bye_

_Obito, Minato, Rin_

_-_

Silent tears were falling from his eyes, dripping down over the blank piece of paper, threatening to wipe his words out but he didn't close the book, he couldn't. Their names where printed there, the names of the people that were the most important to him, the people that were all gone...

He let his tears fall, let them dry into the paper, let the sorrow dry with them.

"Obito" he whispered and gently touched the curvy signs forming the boys name. "I miss you..."

He closed his eyes, seeing their faces in front of him, smiling, laughing... Why did it come to this? The lives of people like them should not have been wasted, they should not have been forgotten... so why? Why were they..?

Kakashi didn't even listen to the sudden scream outside when his stepmother found all the blood on the bathroom floor. She could scream as much as she wanted as long as she didn't do any thing to him and just to be sure he got up and locked his door.

The book lay ever so openly on his desk as he looked back. The pages were never written on until now and his fingers ached to do so. He sat down again, looking at the text he had just written. This was the only thing he could do, for them and for himself. So he kept on writing.

-

_For Obito;_

_Hi it was a long time since we talked and my life seems so boring these days without you by my side. I wish you could see me now, in a new class surrounded by fangirls and idiots, yes idiots like you, hehe. Yeah yeah I know, I'll try to accept them any way cause they might turn out to be just like you, honest but stubborn as hell. _

_Yes... I wish you could see me now... I wish you were here..._

_I wish..._

_-_

He couldn't any more. His hand left the blank paper and his eyes shut. He couldn't stand that thought of Obitos smiling face, couldn't stand the thought of how much better life would have been if just had lived.

The tears were threatening to fall again and softly he closed the book, gently he put it back in his drawer under the clothes where it had been living for the past years. He couldn't even look at it right now. Why had this day been so bad? Nothing had gone like he had planned... nothing.

He didn't even get peace to sleep that night. His thoughts gave him no rest as he wondered away to the life he used to have, the life with his dad, with his friends... They had been everything to him but now, now they were all gone and no matter how much he tried, he would never get them back again... He closed his eyes and rested his hurt head on the pillow and tried to focus on something else but it was hard. Those smiling faces made cuts in his heart every time he tried to let them go it felt like they dragged him with them down in the darkness. There was no one that knew him now, no one knew how he was as a person or how he felt inside. Who would cry at his funeral? Who would even come there..? There was no one in his life that would care if he died now... no one...

He sighed ones again and rubbed his eyes before looking up at the time. Three in the middle of the night. Man, if he didn't sleep he would be a walking zombie tomorrow. Tomorrow... that day seemed so distant and still, technically speaking, it was already tomorrow.

No this wouldn't work, his mind was already confusing him and by the time he'd get sleepy it would be time to get up so he shook his head in a desperate try to get the disturbing thoughts to go away.

It had gotten quiet outside and all he could hear was the sound of his own breath and his pounding head. What was he going to do that day it got to much..? When he had to run to someone for help..? Or when it was already to late and he lay there, dying on the bathroom floor...? Who would he turn to in his most desperate time of need...? He had no one...

A picture of a boy reappeared in front of his eyes. That boy in his class, Umino Iruka. He had been talking to him by his own, not minding what the others thought or said. He had looked at him like they were equals, like they understood each other but still Iruka had given him the time he needed. Maybe he could... No, that was impossible and Kakashi knew it. If he were to drag that boy into his own messy life he would only get hurt. And Kakashi was certain that if he ended up feeling any think for Iruka it would end just as badly as the other times... He wouldn't let that happen to a innocent boy like him...

Kakashi didn't even realize that this was the first time in many years that he had thought of someone else in first place instead of himself. He may be called selfish but what would you have done?

Kakashi smiled a bit though. Only the thought of having a friend at this point felt some what pathetic but it made him calm. At least Iruka might "see" him from now on. With that thought in his pounding head he fell asleep soundly just a couple of minutes later with a soft smile on his lips.

**-**

**so? what did you think? :)**

**please keep reviewing as good as you already have :D and I'll keep typing :P **

**see ya soon again ^^  
**


	4. smile

**new chapter again :D I'm happy so many of you read and like the story so I hope you'll keep reading and reviewing :P**

**Kakashi is in a bit of a pinch here, girls in love and boys suffering? and what can he do when he is suffering himself? well the story is progressing ;)**

**-add: my girlfriend actually helped me write this chapter by bouncing ideas so he should have some cred in this too :) love to her (L)  
**

**enjoy (L)**

**-  
**

"Ano Kakashi-kun?"

The blond girl in front of him held out a letter in a pink envelope with his name written all over it. He sighed and took it, wanting her to go away but of course, she was going to stay there all day until he opened the letter? He looked at her with questioning eyes, making her blush and then run away, back to her friends. He shook his head and opened the envelope that was stinking with perfume.

"_Dear Kakashi-kun. I feel for you like I've never felt for any one else in the world. Please go out with me and I promise I shall make you the happiest you've ever felt in your life_

_yours truly, Ayako"_

He stood up as their teacher entered the corridor and went into the classroom after him, gently throwing the letter away with a small movement of his wrist. She saw it though and immediately burst into tears, her friends gathering around her to give her comfort. He sighed and made his way to the back of the room where the boy Iruka was already sitting. That girl had never spoken to him, never even looked him in the eye and still she was in love with him? That was just pathetic. He had of course been in her class for about a week now but still... so pathetic...

He sank down on the chair as he saw the weeping girl leave the classroom with the other girls and he noticed that some of them seemed almost relieved that he hadn't said yes to her. How could they be happy over her pain just because they wanted the same thing. He sighed as so many times before that day. Why were girls always so stupidly selfish?

"Do you want some?"

Kakashi looked a bit surprised to his left and found Iruka offering him a package of pocky-sticks with chocolate flavour. Ones again he was struck dumb by his fright to speak up against four eyes but Iruka just smiled and took one out for him.

"You're supposed to eat them" he said and put it on the table beside Kakashis books.

'_Does he think that I'm mentally challenged' _Kakashi thought and looked at the pocky-stick._ 'Well it's not like I act normal.._'

"I mean" Iruka continued explaining. "Put it in your mouth and bite..."

"I'm not that stupid" Kakashi answered and in a flash the nervousness was gone and replaced by his old self, he even smiled a bit.

The brown hared boy looked a bit foolish and scratched his neck in embarrassment.

"Well how could I know?" he smiled stupidly with blush all over his cheeks. "You didn't eat any thing yesterday or the days before ether so I thought that... maybe..."

"Now you know I'm not" Kakashi said as he raised his eyebrow at the boy. "I just wasn't hungry yesterday."

Iruka grinned and bit in his own piece of pocky, looking away to not show his embarrassment. Kakashi smirked a bit and looked at the pocky-stick on the table in front of him. It was a long time since he had had one of those and he remembered he had actually liked them but... He felt the fabric over his mouth as he moved his lips and smiled sadly.

"I'll save that one for later" he said and put the pocky-stick beside his pen case.

Iruka nodded and rested his head in his arms like he was about to sleep.

"Wake me up when class is over ne?" he asked but when Kakashi turned to him to answer the boy was already asleep.

Kakashi smiled and shook his head in amazement. Sometimes it was really cool that certain people could fall asleep any time, any where. Iruka seemed to be that kind of person, to happy to have the strength to stay awake at class for instance.

When class ended he gently touched Irukas hair, that by the way was put up in a tuft on his head, and the boy grumbled in his sleep, clearly not up for waking up yet. Kakashi just shook his head and let the boy sleep, after all they would stay in the same classroom all the way until lunch.

Kakashis head still hurt from the beating the day before and he wasn't even sure he had gotten all the blood out of his silver-ish hair. If Kakashi had had a mirror he would have seen that his hair was a bit pink in the back even and Iruka had noticed that, but he hadn't had the guts to ask him about it.

As the lesson passed Kakashi was scribbling some on his notebook, not following the lesson but it looked like it and because of that, the teacher didn't ask him any important questions to see if he was following. Other was it for Iruka. Of course the teacher had noticed that the brown hared was sleeping and.. well:

"Iruka-kun, can you answer this question please?"

Their teacher was almost smirking and Kakashi gave Iruka a light shove to get him to wake up.

"Eh what? Nanda?"

When Iruka realized he had been asleep for that long and that their teacher also knew about it he blushed and buried his face n his hands. Kakashi felt a bit guilty for not waking him up before the lesson had started but since he couldn't do any thing about it he didn't say any thing. The teacher kept going with the lesson and as the school bell rang he asked Iruka to stay behind.

Kakashi went with the rest of the class towards the lockers and as he was about to close it Iruka was done and came back to join the rest of the class. He looked a bit down but Kakashi didn't even have time to ask before he was gone with his friends.

Kakashi didn't mind being lonely though, it would just be boring to see the other ones eat while he didn't. He wasn't even hungry and even if he was he wouldn't touch his food if someone was looking, so he didn't even go to the food court that day. There was no use.

Instead he went for a walk in the glistening sunlight. Watching the shining colours of the autumn leaves and the moving birds fly low under the clouds. His mind wondered as it used to do during those last hoers, those last days... When his life was good for ones... When all things worked like they should and nothing, not even that stupid war could brake him... But now as he watched the sunlight shine down through the leaves he could feel no warmth nor the slight breeze that ruffled his hair. Nothing he felt and nothing he would ever feel, nothing else than the aching pain in his heart...

"Hey! How clumsy are you!? Haha!"

"Hahaha!!"

Kakashi looked up. His depressing thoughts had made him numb to everything else and he had hardly realized he had made his way down to the river shore. Some of his mail classmates were standing on the brake, shouting and laughing at something in the streaming water.

Kakashi wasn't really curious but there was some thing in his gut telling him to move closer, maybe it was his instinct as a ninja or just as a human but he listened to it and took some steps closer to the laughing group.

"Oh no don't you dare ask for help baka!" one of the boys shouted against the water. "You got your self into this mess so get your self out of it!"

In the water the blurry figure of a person lie, splashing in panic to get up but every time he got close to the shore the current grabbed a hold of him and made him sink down in the brown swiftly-flowing water. Kakashi felt his heart grow cold as he saw that brown hair and those pleading dark-brown eyes stair with horror at the boys on the shore. Iruka was fighting for his life in the September-cold water and those people didn't even try to help him up.

Kakashis mind worked instantly and without any one telling him to he ran out in the freezing water to his knees, pulled his swatter of on the run and threw one end of it to the sinking boy.

"Iruka, grab it!" he called and the boy did so as fast as he could.

Kakashis arms were tired from beating and injuries and he had no idea where all the strength came from but still he managed to pull the shaking boy into his arms and up on the shore. He had so many furious words for those guys and he hardly knew why, but he just gave them one gaze and they bailed. (while saying stuff like "come on, he spoiled all the fun...")

The boy in his arms was shaking with cold and fright. He was dripping with the freezing water and his lips had turned blue. Kakashi had no idea how long he had been struggling in there and to get the boy warm he pulled him close to his chest, lending him his own body heat. Iruka was shaking so much Kakashi almost got scared. He had felt how cold the water was and if you get to cold...

"Iruka listen to me" he whispered in the boys ear. "Do you live far from here?"

The brown hared one could do nothing but nod since his lips were shaking so much and Kakashi sighed. He checked the time with pounding heart. Eleven thirty... His stepmother would be home soon but he was willing to take that risk. Iruka couldn't go around school in soaking wet clothes like this.

"Hey" he said in calm voice and warmed him by stroking the boys arms fast up and down. "Can you walk or should I carry you..?"

"Eh?"

Iruka looked up in surprise, his lips still blue but now with a slight blush on his cheeks. Kakashi smiled and took his hand, not showing how scared he was that Iruka would fall sick from this.

"We're going to my place."

Iruka didn't have time to ether protest or agree as Kakashi started walking fast back towards the school. They crossed the yard and Iruka tried to follow as fast as his cold legs could move him. Kakashi held his cold hand warmly in his own, not even thinking about the fact that he didn't really like intimacy.

A couple of minutes later they entered Kakashis neighbourhood and he felt chills crawl down over his back like they always did when he saw those houses. His heart pounded hard as he and Iruka drew closer to the grey house where he lived and he hoped from the bottom of his heart that no one was home yet.

He opened the door and to his relief the hall was dark and silent as if there had never been a human there. Iruka seemed to not have noticed his nervousness and for that he was thankful. He didn't want that boy to know, he didn't want him to worry...

"Here you go" he said as he threw a towel at the brown hared. "If you want to use the bathroom take the one upstairs... There is some problem with the plumbing down here."

Iruka nodded understanding and Kakashi closed the door to the bathroom which no one had cleaned since the blood spill the night before. Kakashi led the still shaking boy up the stairs and into his room in the back of the house, there helping him to dry his hair.

"I'll just fetch you some new clothes..."

"Kakashi-san" the boy smiled and scratched his neck. "You don't have to lend me any thing..."

"Yeah I do baka" he said as he came back with some of his older clothes and gave them to him. "You can't go around like that all day right? And besides... these don't fit me any way."

Iruka smiled shyly and unbuttoned his shirt with shaking fingers, looking almost like a shy lover, Kakashi thought, a bit nervous before his first time...

Kakashi looked away, feeling his cheeks turning warm. Why did he think like that? Iruka had been close to death and he was thinking thoughts like that now all of a sudden. Kakashi felt almost ashamed by it and he even turned his back to give the boy privacy to change.

"I'm done Kakashi-san..."

Iruka smiled a bit and Kakashi sighed as he saw that same smile he was so familiar with. Even though this boy was feeling so bad he smiled. Even though no one realized his existence he kept on smiling like that, though his heart was braking.

"Why were you in the water?" Kakashi asked even though he knew it would take that pretty smile of his face and as expected Iruka looked down at the floor.

"They pushed me..."

He looked so small Kakashis first instinct was to put his arms around him and comfort him but he couldn't. It wasn't cause he didn't want to, more the fact that he couldn't.... and he didn't even know why himself.

"Why don't you fight the Iruka..?" he asked and dried the boys hair more with the towel.

"Cause... I'm not that strong..."

Irukas voice sounded like he was just three years old trying to explain to his mother why he had scratched his knee while playing with the other kids. His eyes were fixed on the floor and Kakashi let go of some of his angst and put a comforting hand on the boys shoulder.

"Hey" he said and even smiled, something he didn't do easily in this house. "You are strong and I know it..."

Iruka looked up in surprise without words.

"To be able to smile like you do" Kakashi continued. "You remember when I first came to class? Just by smiling for a little while like that made my cheeks hurt."

The boy looked at him with big eyes, and to Kakashis relief a slight smile broke out in his face. A gentle smile that only a boy like him could bring.

"So" Kakashi continued. "From now on don't let them get you down again... you deserve better than that."

The gentle smile on Irukas lips grew and he looked truly happy for the first time. Kakashi couldn't help smiling too when he saw that even though he felt like he was being dragged in too deep. But a smile couldn't hurt, right?

**-**

**coming up: What happens when Kakashis mother comes home? Is Iruka going to be okay from this drowning experience? And why is that boy so tired all the time? keep reading people ;)**

**and review please -puppy eyes- **

**see ya sooooon :P  
**


	5. I need you

**chapter five people xP well I've been thinking a bit about the stoy now and I think it's gonna turn out nicely in the end later ;D **

**hope you like it and if you have sugestions please let me know ne? :P **

**my girl helped me some with this chap to so cred to her again (L)**

**enjoy :3  
**

-

Kakashi and Iruka went down the stairs and into the kitchen cause Iruka hadn't eaten any thing and Kakashi could hear his stomach scream for food. So Kakashi made him some omelette before they should go back to the school.

Because of the fact that Iruka was much smaller in size than him, Kakashis clothes looked a bit too big on him and Kakashi smiled. Ones again the picture of Iruka as a lover entered his mind and he blushed with irritation. "Damn Obito, he thought. why did you always say stuff like that?"

Iruka looked at him with questioning eyebrows.

"Something wrong?" he asked but Kakashi just shook his head and kept making the omelette.

"You just remind me of someone..."

There, he said it out loud. he hardly dared thinking the thought him self but it was true and he couldn't escape from the feelings he felt.

"Yeah?" Iruka asked with a big smile. "And who might that be?"

Kakashis heart sank but not as much as he thought it would. Iruka smiled still as he turned to him and smirked.

"The most annoying person I've ever known."

"That's not fair Kakashi-san!" Iruka smiled and suck his tongue out.

When Iruka had eaten up Kakashi made the dishes and Iruka warmed him self on a cup of tea. The boys had been talking a bit and Kakashi had actually found it nice to talk, not that he had said anything of importance but still, it was fun to joke with him and hear what he had to say and soon it felt almost like a little piece of himself was back were it belonged.

Suddenly his heart grew cold in an instant. The front door had opened and closed and he knew that now there was now going back. Iruka was in here and soon his stepmother would see him and everything would go back to the way it always had been...

"Iruka" he said and picked up his thicker swatter from the chair. "We should go..."

The boy smiled, nodded, stood up and went with Kakashi out in the hall where a woman was standing.

Kakashi got the chills just by looking at her dark stripy hair and pail morbid face. She looked like she never had and never would smile in her entire life and as she saw Iruka come out after Kakashi in the hallway her face was struck with fright.

"Hi mum" Kakashi said but tried not to look her in the eye. "We were just leavening..."

"Who is he?" she asked and Kakashi could feel how Iruka walked a bit closer to him.

"My classmate but don't worry we're going..."

Before she could say another word he and Iruka was out the door and already on their way over the yard. Kakashi felt Irukas hand in his own and even though he knew his night would be a hell tonight too he couldn't stop wondering how he and Iruka looked right now. If some one else saw them... What would they think?

'_Oh God what am I thinking_' His cheeks were blushing under the fabric and now he was real thankful he always had it on. His mind had been pretty confused lately, maybe it had something to do with the beating... Ether way he had to stop thinking thoughts like that. It wasn't really... like him.

Iruka didn't ask about his mother, not about his home or the broken plumbing ether and that made Kakashi a bit more at ace. To involve someone in his life felt too troublesome and dangerous for him to take the risk.

"I'll see you tomorrow then?" Iruka smiled at the end of the day and Kakashi looked up from his book.

"Yeah I hope so" he answered and felt some what more happy about school than he had done the days before.

"I hope so?" Iruka said with a bit worrying eyes. "What do you mean?"

Kakashi realized that his tongue had slipped and smiled quickly.

"I'm mean yeah, of course"

Iruka still looked a bit worried but then smiled wide again.

"See'ya!"

When he came home he closed the door silently and walked passed the kitchen, still with a slight smile on his lips, thinking back at how Irukas tender smile could brighten up a dark place like this. It was almost like the warmth of that smile still lingered by the table, at the counter, by the fridge and at the stair up too his room.

He smiled and went upstairs. Feeling quite good with himself for some reason. No one was at home and they might be out for a while even. Kakashi went straight to his drawer and pulled out the black notebook again.

With still smiling eyes he read the text from last time. The note had been too hard for him to touch the last week. One of the reasons being that he cried all the times he had tried to and another being the fact that he had been so beaten up he could hardly write any way.

Now that he read those words he smiled, a bit sadly though, and put the book down on the desk, grabbing the pen again.

-

_For Obito; _

_I'm sorry I haven't written in a while now a lot to do at school and all._

_The time moves by so fast now with all tests and stuff..._

_man you should be happy you don't have to go to my school _

_Even though I miss you,_

_and yes don't laugh I do miss you,_

_I think I've found someone I might be able to talk to... at least in the future..._

_Hehe_

_Do you remember that time when we fought so much sensei had to stop us from killing each other?_

_heh I thought about that today._

_Why did we fight so much?_

_Were we to different or was it just that you were really annoying? _

_oh stop whining_

_You know I'm only joking_

_-_

The front door was slammed shut and he stopped writing. His heart was pounding hard in his chest again and he could hear the angry steps in the stairs

"Freak!?!"

The man's scream gave him the chills like always and there was nothing he could do. Even though he might be able to kick his as by now he couldn't. he didn't want to be a burden for someone else. He didn't want to go to the Hokage for help, he didn't want to be the week one now that there were so many that were still suffering from the war.

The door was flung open and his stepfather stood there with his big figure blocking the whole doorway. Kakashis mind went blank as he slowly closed the notebook and stood up, ready for what would come now, ready for it all.

His head was hit so hard he couldn't see, his eyes were filled with tears of pain but he didn't show them. His face though was open to all eyes that wanted to see it and his forehead protector and mask were somewhere under his bead. The pain in his arms from protecting his face was so intense he could hardly move them any more and every time he moved his ribs screamed.

He looked up at that red face filled with anger, that he had feared for all these years. How long would he keep this up? How long was it before his body would brake? He felt those fists hit his body so hard he was about to puke, so hard his mind went blank but yet he could feel the pan and nothing but the pain.

'_Was this how it felt..?_' he thought. '_Was this how you felt.. right at the very end..?'_

-

The dim light in the room made his mind dizzy and he sat up slowly with his hand on the back of his neck. He realized, a couple of minutes later, that he had been lying stomach down on his bedroom floor, facing the bead in a poodle of blood.

He crawled up on the bead and felt how there was blood still dripping from between his fingers. How long had he been lying there? He desperately tried to gather his thoughts together and try to figure out what time it had been when he had started writing. If he was right he had been lying there for about five hoers… Could he have been bleeding for such a long time?

He looked at the red puddle on the floor… That was a lot of blood.

He couldn't really do any thing but sit down, if he mover around too much he would faint so he lay down in stead, putting a t-shirt under his wound to try stop the bleeding. He could hear how the wind was going berserk outside and made the windows shutter. The time showed twelve a clock and if he could it would be good if he slept some before the alarm went of, he knew that but he just couldn't relax… His heart and head was pounding so hard that it felt like he would explode. He sat up slowly and reached for the black notebook on the desk. Feeling the comfort of the dry pages against his shaking fingers he started writing, almost automatically.

_-_

_For Minato;_

_Sensei, you were always there for me.._

_Even though you most have found me extremely annoying sometimes _

_You most have thought I never listened to you ones but I did…_

…_all the time_

_Your advice kept me going, _

_Both on missions and at home_

_Your smile made a difference even though you didn't know it your self…_

_I would have followed you to the end of the world if you had asked me to _

_I could have done every order you gave me even if it would have killed in an instant _

_just to be by your side…_

_I need you still, you know that_

_Need you more now than ever _

_Hehe _

_I'll visit you soon, I promise_

_Don't want you getting mad at me again_

_-_

He smiled a bit. There, now he couldn't complain for not being written to. Minato had always loved that kind of stuff, like being written to instead of called on the phone and getting secret messages. He missed that… He missed them.

**-**

**Well? heh feel a bit sorry for him my self :/ but it might get better from now on now that he has started to open up a bit :)**

**Iruka is sweet to and might be just what he needs... or is he? Why is he beeing so bullied any way? **

**you'll find out if you keep on reading :D (and reviewing xD please) **

**see'ya  
**


	6. sleepless

**Hi there again. First thank you so much for 1000 hits!! :D it might not be much acourding to you but I'm so happy that you all like it :D**

**I'm sorry I haven't posted.. in about... one day or so XD but... well I've been a bit out of it x'3 **

**well well here I am, back again with anew chapter and I hope it's not toooooo boring XDDD  
**

_-_

_For Rin;_

_Hi girl, long time no see_

_Feels weird not having you around any more_

_Not that there are NO girls around but there was always something special about you_

_Hey hey don't get the wrong idea again_

_it's not like that_

_Man you are annoying_

_I've told you, you deserve better_

_Hehe _

_I could really need your healing hands right now though…_

_You should see the wounds on my neck _

_Man they hurt…_

_I hope you don't hate me now_

_I know you always tried to help me and I know you're disappointed that it didn't work_

_But I promise to keep fighting _

_If not for my self then for you, sensei and Obito…_

_Hehe_

_If you see that dobe some time soon,_

_Please hit him from me will ya?_

_Trust me, he deserves it _

_-_

He smiled sadly and thought about writing something for Obito too before going to bead again but his eyes felt so tired he decided to give sleep another chance.

Carefully he crawled back under the blankets and pressed the t-shirt against the wound. He was used to sleeping with a cloth like that but it was some time ago now and every time he moved the wound reopened and coloured his pillow and hair red.

The time passed much to fast though and the alarm went of at half passed six as usual, only three hoers after he had managed to fall asleep. He went up and took a cold shower but since he couldn't really wash his hair it stayed that pinkish colour as it always did after severe beating to his skull.

His stepmother was already up for a change but he didn't even look at her as he entered the kitchen. She was sitting there with a cup of tea in front of her but she wasn't drinking from it. Apparently she was still shocked over the fact that her husband had left blood stains all over the kitchen floor. He never cleaned up after beating Kakashi so it was always Kakashis job to clean up his own mess as he said, before his mother found out about it and freaked. It was not like she didn't know what was happening to the boy, it was just like she ignored it and suppressed it until she found the blood on the floor.

He sighed and picked up the already dirty cloth from the back of one of the chairs, kneeled by the sink and whipped the cupboard doors and the floor underneath it. His stepmother watched him and all his movements. She always gave him the creeps when she looked at him like that and he worked fast too be able to leave home as quickly as possible.

As he had washed the cloth as clean as possible he left the house quickly before his stepfather woke up. Almost ran over the yard and to the school where he actually felt more comfortable right now than he had ever done at home.

As he entered his home room corridor he realized the only one except him in there was Iruka who was lying on the floor sleeping soundly with his head resting on the top of his history book. Kakashi smiled and sat down at the bench looking at the sleeping one. It hit him now that Irukas sweet lines were troubled with worry and there were dark marks under his eyes like he hadn't been sleeping for days or even weeks.

He didn't know why but he smiled a bit and gently touched Irukas tenderly red cheek with the tip of his finger. The boy moved slowly and bit his lip in his sleep, looking so peaceful Kakashi couldn't help wondering how much pain that boy really could go through before braking completely. He knew that he himself wouldn't always be able to be there... He was aware of the fact that sooner or later his own body would brake... Who would then be there for this boy to help him out of the river or comfort him..? Kakashi sighed and sat up again, just looking at the boy beside the bench. If he got to involved there was a risk that Iruka would start depending on hi, start needing him there... Then what would happen, when Kakashi was gone..? What would become of that sweet but tragic boy?

"Hey Iruka" he whispered and couldn't help smiling again.

The boy complained in his sleep but still opened his eyes and looked up at him. A soft smile broke out in his face as soon as he realized it was Kakashi and he slowly turned to look at him. He still looked tired and it was half an hoer before lesson would start so Kakashi reached out his hand and smiled.

"Come up here before all the others come here and step on you down there" he said and Iruka blushed as he realized he was still lying on the floor.

"O-okay" he smiled though and sat up slowly, grabbing Kakashis hand while biting his finger. "Can I sit beside you then?"

Kakashi smiled and nodded. It felt better to be nice to Iruka than to ignore him he thought. They were both lonely after all an even though it could all end any time it was still worth it right now.

"Come here" he said and got Iruka to lean against his shoulder even though it felt a bit uneasy at first with the intimacy. "If you need to sleep then I'll wake you when they open the classroom…"

Iruka smiled tenderly with a slight, almost feverish blush on his cheeks and leaned against Kakashis offered shoulder. In just a couple of minutes he was half asleep again, snuggling against Kakashis arm. Iruka looked so peaceful that Kakashi couldn't stop smiling and as he realized Iruka felt safe when he was around, he even felt a bit good about himself.

Iruka smiled in his sleep and said something unbearable, looking like he was dreaming about something really good for a change. Kakashi sighed and closed his eyes himself, feeling sleep linger around the corner for him too.

"Sleep tight Iruka" he whispered and in some minutes the both boys were sleeping soundly against each others shoulders.

-

"Why are you always so tired?" Kakashi asked the half sleeping Iruka later at history class.

Iruka didn't listen at first but after a while he realized Kakashi was looking at him and in a flash he was awake again.

"Eh? Did you say something?" He asked back and rubbed his eyes tiredly.

Kakashi sighed and shook his head a bit worried.

"You always sleep at every lesson" he explained and caught his eye. "You're grades have been dropping all this time right?"

"Yeah but I can manage…"

"No you can't Iruka" Kakashi continued. "If you have problems ask for help… No matter what problem you're having there is always someone that can help you with them…"

Iruka looked at him. In truth speaking he was worried about Kakashi too, about all the wounds he always had, like he had been beaten but he was to scared of asking him so he remained quiet.

Kakashi looked away, didn't know if he was angry, disappointed or maybe just worried about the boy beside him but he knew how hard it was to talk about stuff like that and he shouldn't push him. Still he got some weird feeling that Iruka really needed him… Or maybe it was just his imagination.

"Hey Kakashi-san" Iruka suddenly said even though he was still resting his head in his arms like he was sleeping.

"Yeah?"

Kakashi felt weird. His heart was pounding and he knew that he might still be bleeding. His heart was raising and he couldn't gather his thoughts together but he couldn't show that now… so he answered.

"If I promise I'll always be there for you" the boy beside him whispered and the hurt in Kakashis neck suddenly grew wager. "Will you be there for me..?"

Iruka was looking up at him now, eyes tired from lack of sleep and cheeks feverishly red but still awake, still meeting Kakashis eye intensely.

Kakashi didn't know what to say. He didn't want to get involved, didn't want to have to tell any one about his problems and passed but… Irukas eyes were desperate and he knew that boy needed the comfort that no one was giving him. He knew that he himself might be the only one that could help him from all the bullying and harassment…

"I'm loyal to my friends" was what he answered and it sort of sounded like a no when the words came out of his mouth.

"Oh…"

Iruka looked away again and Kakashi saw in that face that his heart was about to hit the bottom.

"Which means yes" Kakashi continued and (to his own surprise) put a comforting arm around Irukas shoulders. "Since you are my friend right?"

The hurt in Irukas face disappeared in an instant and was replaced with such a gentile smile that made Kakashi feel goosebumps all over his body and Iruka looked like he was going to burst into tears with happiness.

Kakashi felt like saying something but before he had the chance, Iruka closed his eyes, went pail and grabbed the table like he was about to fall of his chair. Kakashi grabbed him softly and looked at him with fright, no idea what was going on.

"Iruka!?" He asked but the boy didn't answer.

Their teacher, who had heard the racks in the back of the class, came over to them and because the pail boy in Kakashis arms didn't respond to any thing he helped Kakashi to carry him to the nurse's office. They agreed that Kakashi would stay there until Iruka woke up in case he needed someone there and their teacher left in a hurry to calm the others down.

Kakashi sat silently by Irukas side and held the boys hand distantly, not even noticing it himself. The nurse run some tests and told Kakashi to get Iruka to drink some kind of drink when he woke up, because according to her, Iruka was underfed and needed nourishment to not have these fainting attacks that he obviously had had for some time even before Kakashi had come to the school.

The nurse then had to attend a short meeting and Kakashi was left alone by the fainted boy's side. Irukas face had regained some colour again but the nurse had checked his fever and it was higher than it should be.

"Baka" he whispered and shook his head as he watched Irukas sleeping face. "If you didn't feel well why didn't you say so…?"

Iruka moved slowly after a while and when he had woken up and realized where he was he looked almost ashamed and didn't meet Kakashis eye. Kakashi himself still felt a bit distant and dizzy. He might have lost too much blood that night but even though his mind didn't give him rest from the pain he was still worried about the boy in front of him.

"Iruka" he said after a while. "Why didn't you tell me you were feeling sick?"

Iruka didn't meet his eye but didn't have time to answer ether before the nurse re-entered with some pills for him to take against the fever. It looked almost like Iruka was about to say something though but in a sudden outburst the nurse stared at Kakashis neck.

"Oh my, what on earth have you been doing?!"

Kakashi looked down in the floor while she examined his neck. He didn't make eye contact with Iruka even if he now felt the boys eyes seek his gaze. He didn't want to be looked in the eye when he lied.

"It's nothing" he said as he smiled and didn't even make a face when she touched the still bleeding wound with some sort of instrument. "I just fell in the stairs before…"

Iruka still looked at him with questions all over his face but Kakashi just looked away, afraid of showing his scared he was, afraid of showing his true emotions.

"Oh" the nurse said with scared eyes. "How much blood have you…"

It ended with stitches and the school doctor had to be called for, as the nurse had some kind of weird phobia for blood. Kakashi didn't say anything about it to Iruka and when he was done he went straight home since they were of for the day. Iruka was sleeping then any way so he had no obligation to wake him up… At least that was what he told himself…

-

**Well more is coming up soon x3 what did you think? please review as I know you are so got at ;) **

**until next time (L) //Naru  
**


	7. Iruka

**Hi again :) **

**well here is the seventh chapter and well... this one is a bit different, if you read you'll soon know why.**

**I have a lot of homework and stuff to do, but I'll try to upload new chapters as soon as possible ^^**

**As you might have noticed, you who have been reading from the start, I have changed my way of putting up the text ^^ hope it's better now :D  
**

**If you like it please review :D **

**and if you like this fic you can try the one that I'm writing with my girl :) the link ti her is posted on my sight  
**

**enjoy  
**

_-_

_For Obito;_

_Stitches, how typical right? That's what you would have said._

_You would have laughed and given me some irritating comment about how dumb I am_

_even though you hurt your self even more often than me_

_and that would say something about you as a ninja right? heh_

_you were one of the most irritating,_

_noisy, disturbing, surprising ninja I've ever met in my entire life..._

_(and that's quite a few)_

_and yet you got me into you so quickly..._

_with every word you said,_

_every breath you took you made me yours..._

_oh stop it idiot..._

_You know I don't like it when you're laughing at me like that_

_You made my mind spin with questions..._

_questions I never thought I would even think the slightest about_

_you made my day worth the trouble..._

_even though I never told you..._

_..._

_okay okay I shouldn't be sentimental I guess_

_there are people with bigger problems out there..._

_Like that guy in my class_

_he never sleeps at nights I'm sure of it..._

_and still he comes to school every day even though he is just sleeping there..._

_he is just like you though_

_too stubborn too say he fells hurt by the others_

_and too kind ho hate any one for what they do to him_

_his smile is like yours too..._

_at first it was just faked but then... when he opened up_

_his smile was beautiful_

_..._

_makes me miss you_

_even more_

_-_

The bathroom floor was cold under his head and the warmth of his body was fading. He couldn't see anything since the lights were out and all he felt was the unbearable pain that was never-ending. He felt how his arm was being twisted, felt his bones pushed to their very limits, almost hearing them crack as they poppet out of their joints.

His stepfather was laughing statistically as he looked down at the little you could see of Kakashis blood drenched hair and his pleading eyes. The darkness around them made the cruel man's facials more horrible than ever but Kakashi didn't look at him any more. The only thought running through his mind was that this might be the best... For every one… But every time he tried to give up and just let go of the pain and all sorrow, that smiling face entered his mind, or... those smiling faces. He couldn't fail them. He had promised... He had promised to not let go no matter what happened, how could he even think of breaking that promise to them? And there was another face now that was smiling though the light was fading. A new smile that brought light to his dark world of terror... Iruka.

His lungs burned as they made him cough blood all over the floor and his ribs screamed with pain as he was turned over on his stomach, feeling those rough hands touch him like they hadn't in months now. He was being pulled up on all four even though his arms were breaking, touched by hands so filthy he wanted to puke though his lungs had stopped breathing. He was dying but for the first time in his life he wanted to stay alive… For ones he didn't mind the pain as long as he could see those smiling lips again, just ones he wished… to see them again…. Ones.

-

_Minato, Sensei, please forgive me…_

…_for every thing…_

_Rin, please, take care of __him__ for me…_

_Obito… Obito…_

_I miss you_

…_Iruka…_

_-_

Iruka was heading towards the school building with his head high that morning. He hadn't slept much but he had been through worse and this day might even be a good one, considering the fact that he actually had a friend he might be able to talk to now.

The thought of Kakashis warming words made him smile and he kept walking even though his back was stiff. Even though he wasn't directly hit by the wage sunlight he still felt the smooth warmth against his skin through the piercing September cold. He smiled wider and looked up as some of his classmates called for him. They were smiling and laughing about something and he laughed too, but not with them, just laughed because he felt like it. He was happy, at least for the moment.

The class started and Iruka sighed as he realized Kakashi hadn't entered the room yet. '_Why be late every day Kakashi-san'_ He thought and shook his head with a smile, even though it was easy to notice a slight worry in that covering smile.

When their teacher had finished the go-through Iruka asked him whether he had heard anything about Kakashi being sick or not but his teacher just shook his head, not really caring as it seemed. Iruka went back to his seat, looking at the empty chair beside him. Was he really alright?

The lunch hour was boring and slow, the other ones ignored him as always and after sitting at their table for about fifteen minutes he left again without a word. Why sit there when he could be out in the glistening sunlight?

He smiled as he walked between the large, grayish houses, still feeling dizzy by lack of sleep but he was still happy, still smiling. He walked in the shadows but could still feel the warmth from the wage sunlight through the September cold. The winter birds were sitting under the bushes or out in the open hoping to catch the last bit of warmth they could before the freezing winter came and Iruka admired them. They were strong to stay here in the winter, bringing warmth and color to the everlasting clouds of white and gray. They found food and crawled tight together to keep warm and even though their lives were small they never gave up, no matter how hard it got…

Iruka sighed and looked down at his feet. '_Where are you Kakashi-san..?'_ he thought and looked towards the big gates of the schoolyard. He missed having him around now that he had gotten used to it and all this time he had been worrying, worrying that something had happened… Those bruises and cuts were not normal… right?

He looked back up at the blue blue sky and felt the afternoon breeze sweep through his hair, giving him goosebumps all over. The lunch time had ended and his classmates would be here any minute. He was so worried by now that his heart ached but he knew that in a while he wouldn't be able to worry any more... it was always like that.

"Iruka-chan!" a guy behind him called with a sarcastic voice and pushed him playfully in the back, real hard though which made Iruka take some steps forward with closed eyes. "what are you spacing out about?"

Some guys from his class had already caught up to him and soon he was surrounded by them, like always. They were calling him names, shouting stuff to each other about him that would make the strongest person cry, and yet Iruka did nothing but laugh with them. If he cried it would just get worse and he knew that.

"Iruka do you really think we haven't noticed?" one of them said as he grabbed the brown haired boy by the arm and squeezed tightly.

"Noticed what?" Iruka replied, trying to look unmoved but he knew that nothing he said could make them change their opinion.

The white haired boy that had grabbed his arm now pushed him hard up against the wall, smirking with delight as Iruka gasped for air. The brown haired already had problems breathing because of the cold he was having and now it felt like thousand needles pierced through his entire body.

The others laughed and the one that had pushed him smirked sadistically as he drew closer to Irukas scared face.

"You are, aren't you Iruka?"

Iruka didn't understand at all what he meant so he couldn't answer which made the boy in front of him smirk even more, nibbling a bit on Irukas ear lobe, making the boy squeal with fright.

"I-I don't know what you're talking about…" Iruka said with shaking voice and tried to push the white haired boy away but it was pointless.

"You like guys don't you?" The boy said and smirked as he breathed warmly in Irukas ear. "Iruka… you can't hide it"

Iruka looked away from him and the others, trying to not show his fright but it was hard to keep cool. The others just laughed and two of them helped the white haired one to pin him to the hard wall and the white haired one smirked as he looked at Irukas shaking body.

"There is no point in struggling Iruka" he whispered close to the boys face, almost kissing, their lips touching.

"stop please…" Iruka wept but the others just laughed as their leader started unbuttoning Irukas pants.

The thoughts inside Irukas mind went berserk and he couldn't move. His body wasn't responding to his own commands and to his fright they were responding to the other ones stroking fingers instead. If they all saw how he reacted it would be the end for him. He would never be able to come there again; they wouldn't leave him alone….

"please..." he begged but they didn't listen.

"Hey you show him Mizuki!" one of them called and their leader, who were still holding Iruka pinched against the wall, smirked even more, if that was even possible.

"You hear them right Iruka?" he said with his most deceiving voice, giving the brown haired the chills. "They want me to "show" you…"

Iruka looked away again, tears now escaping from his eyes, heart pounding so hard in his chest that he was certain he would die of heart failure any moment now… _'that wouldn't me the worst that could happen though' _he thought as he felt Mizukis cold but fast fingers unbutton his swatter too, button by button.

"I know you like it" the white haired one smirked and when Iruka tried one desperate last time to break free from his hard grip, Mizuki grabbed his throat. "Don't struggle and I promise it won't hurt."

The others laughed again, like this was the most amusing thing they had ever seen. Irukas tears were falling and his heart pounded harder than hard. Nothing could stop them now except the school bell but Iruka kept no track of time and he had no idea what time the break was over.

Mizuki looked at him with that smug smirk on his face like he knew everything that was going on in Irukas hurt mind. His eyes were searching, searching for the crack where he could stick his fingers and bend the boy open for all eyes to see. He wanted to humiliate him like never before and soon his hand was inside Irukas pants. The scared one stared at him, not being able to hold back his sounds even though he desperately wanted to keep quiet. Mizuki smirked and pulled Irukas pants down, showing to everyone what he was doing and they laughed.

"please… Mizuki…" Iruka begged, trying his best to keep away but he still couldn't move.

"Just admit it Iruka" Mizuki smirked and was on his way to stroke him while the others were laughing their asses of. "You like it… right?"

"No… please stop…!" Iruka cried but no one listened, no one cared when he cried out for help, no one even cared if he were to disappear…

Mizukis hand was cold against his skin and his smirking lips gently touched Irukas ear lobe, their bodies were tightly pressed together now, making Iruka dizzy withy lack of oxygen but some thing else as well… He couldn't thing, nor move and still his body reacted.

'_please no...'_ he thought and cried silent tears. _'Don't let the others see…"_

Mizukis smirk filled his mind and he felt nauseous as the boy in front of him grabbed his neck with his cold fingers. He didn't want to kiss those lips..! He had to struggle and still he couldn't. He couldn't do any thing.

The school bell wrung. He was saved by that sweet sound… Saved for now at least.

"See you later then" Mizuki smirked and stepped away from him.

All arms holding Irukas shaking body let him go and he fell to the ground with his hart aching even more now. Lying there without clothes from his waist down he looked up after the others when they left, his entire body shaking with fright and disgust. His insides were turning as he tried to stand up… How could he…?

He puked.

**-**

**...well?**

**what will happen now? Is Iruka going to be okay after school?? And what the fick happened to Kakashi?! Read next chapter and you'll know ;) **

**see ya sooooon (L)  
**

**If you have ideas or something like that please tell me ;) I might use them if I like them myself xD  
**


	8. As long as you love them

**yay I finished another chapter today already ;D hehe XD I was bored since every one else had other planes XD**

**well... I hope you like it :P It's pretty cute... later if you scroll down ^^ hehe **

**oh God I'm tired XD (01.11 ._.) **

**enjoy  
**

-

The classroom was already filled with people, since he was late again, and all they did to greet him was stare and make faces. The girls blushed as always though and he slowly turned his face from them, looking for that smile instead.

At the same moment Kakashi had entered the room, Iruka had looked up from his book with eager gaze and when their eyes met he smiled gently, pulling out the chair next to him self to give Kakashi place to sit.

Kakashi sighed almost in relief, slowly making his way towards the back of the room with his left hand in his swatter pocket. He didn't know if it was obvious that he was in pain but he had to hide it for as long as possible for all their sakes. Iruka just looked at him so kindly that he couldn't help smiling back as he sat down, though with some trouble hiding his pain.

"Hi Kakashi-san" Iruka smiled and waved a bit, even though they were sitting quite close.

"Hi Iruka"

The pain in Kakashis arm made his head spin as he tried to move it but he didn't show any of it in his face. Why would he? Iruka would just get scared and worried and he didn't want that. In stead he smiled back and took forth his books and his notebook so that he could scribble something if he got bored.

"Were you sick yesterday?" Iruka asked and Kakashi could hear the worry in his voice.

"Yeah I'm having a bit of a chest cold" he just answered, starting to write some words without noticing it himself. "But I'm fine now, don't worry..."

Iruka looked from Kakashis covered-up face (which was even more covered than usual) to the arm that was gently placed in his pocket on his left side. Kakashi knew that it was easy to see through his act if you just knew where to look but... He didn't want to tell, so he didn't ask Iruka why he was looking at him like that.

"Are you sure you're okay..?" Iruka asked any way after some minutes of thinking about what to say. "I mean... your arm..."

Kakashi looked down at the un useful arm and then back up at the teacher that just had entered the classroom.

"I'm just a bit clumsy" he smiled but didn't meet Irukas eyes.

"Oh..."

The brown haired didn't say more on the subject, he had seen the glimpse of uneasiness in Kakashis face and he understood that it would just become uncomfortable if he kept asking. So even though he was real worried still, he let it go, at least for now.

Their teacher seemed to be having a lecture of some sort, history was the subject and both boys listened carefully for ones. There had been a while since someone talked about the history of Konoha village and about what was going on in the village at the moment, almost all students in the room were listening, trying to learn something new for ones.

"So" Their teacher said as he took the white board pen and was ready to write down their answerers. "Do any of you remember the name of the first Hokage?

"Senju Hashirama" some one called out and their teacher nodded, writing the Hokages name with the red pen.

"And the second? Iruka-kun do you know?"

"Hai" Iruka answered and the teacher looked a bit surprised at him since he almost never knew any of the answers. "Senju Tobirama"

Their teacher smiled and talked a bit about the old, already dead Hokages. Mentioning what they had done for the village and what laws and words of truth they had established. All students, or most of them were taking notes but Kakashi couldn't write, since he couldn't even use his left hand as a weight on the paper. He was listening intensely though, at every spoken word.

"And then now we have Sarutobi Hiruzen as our Hokage-sama right?"

All agreed and their teacher wrote his name down too.

"If you look at the previous Hokages and Sarutobi too" he continued. "Who do you think is most fit to be the Yondaime (forth) Hokage now that Sarutobi is getting older..?"

Iruka that had been dreaming for a while about becoming a grate leader like those men saw how Kakashi suddenly tensed his fist over his book. His face was hard to read but from Irukas point of view it really looked like Kakashi was furious.

"My father is a grate ninja!" One of the guys called and some others said almost about the same thing. A discussion broke lose about whether it was good that the people in the village couldn't decide their own Hokage and their teacher listened and argued too.

Iruka looked back at Kakashi again, hearing how the boys breath was quickening, seeing that expression that gave him the chills. He had no idea Kakashi could be that scary and still... this just made him even more worried.

"Kakashi-san?" he asked and put a gentle hand on Kakashis shoulder to try bringing him back from his world of hatred. "What's wrong..?"

Kakashi shook his head, calming down slowly as the teacher went on explaining. Kakashi didn't know how to say it even, didn't know how to explain so he remained quiet like always. His heart was beating painfully hard in his chest but he had to ignore it.

"And what do you think about these three Hokages..? Have they done their job and is there someone that has been the best of them according to you?"

A girl told her story about when she talked to Sarutobi Hokage for the first time and how understanding he had been when she had talked about her problems. Others added to her story as well, that Sarutobi was both understanding and strict and that was good in a leader. Their teacher seemed to agree but at the time he suddenly said that they were going to switch subject again, Kakashi couldn't hold back any longer. Slowly he raised his shaking right hand.

"Yes Kakashi-kun?" Their teacher smiled but that only made Kakashis disgust even more evident.

"What about the real Yondaime Hokage" he answered with already breaking voice and the room fell dead silent. "What about Namikaze Minato..?"

"Eh? I... Well... you know...about him..."

The stuttering teacher made some desperate efforts to save the situation but Kakashis words were too strong and now he was the one falling silent, without anything to say at all.

"How dare you forget about him?" Kakashi asked, still in calm voice but you could hear the raw hatred behind his words. "Or did you just leave him out? In case someone might be offended if you said his name?"

The teacher didn't know what to say so he just stood there, the others staring at Kakashi with slightly chocked expressions. Iruka looked at him too, saw the way Kakashi held his hurt arm as if it hurt more to talk, heard the way he spoke with so much strength in his voice that even this teacher, that was dreaded all over the school went silent.

"Well I'm the one that should tell you how I feel right?" Kakashi continued in just as calm voice. "...since I am the only one that knew him..."

The class went even more silent and if you had listened carefully you might even have heard a needle drop to the floor (if someone would have dropped one of course).

"And I'll tell you one thing and that is... that.. it hurts like hell to be the only one that still even tries to remember him..!" with those words his voice broke and he stood up in his chair, not looking any one in the eye any more. "excuse me.."

The teacher didn't stop him when he left the room, nor did he stop Iruka that went right after him. He was too chocked to even notice when all the others started talking again and after a while he called them dismissed.

"Kakashi-san!" Iruka called as he rushed after him through the corridor towards the toilet. "Please wait...!"

The white haired didn't slow down at all, he just kept going like he didn't hear the voice crying out after him, but Iruka didn't care. He wanted to be able to help even if Kakashi thought that he couldn't do any thing. There was a sudden crash and Kakashi had already entered the washing room when Iruka caught up to him.

"Kakashi-san..."

The white haired was standing there in the middle of the room, shoulders shaking, with pain, suppressed anger or sadness, Iruka couldn't tell. One of the mirrors on the wall was crushed and Kakashis right hand was bleeding. There was only one thing Iruka could do now, and he did just that.

"Kakashi-san" he whispered and gently put his arms around the shaking boys back, carefully enough not to hurt his already damaged shoulder. "I'm here for you... If you need to... just let it out..."

Kakashi closed his eyes hard, tears already falling from his cheeks, body shaking even more as he leaned back in Irukas warm arms, depending on him, depending on someone else for the first time in years...

"Ssh, ssh..." Iruka hushed and after some minutes Kakashi actually calmed down even though he was still shaking a bit. Iruka leaned his forehead against the boys shoulder and closed his eyes in peace.

"I guess you were really close to to him..." he whispered and Kakashi sighed deeply, struggling not to start crying again.

"But none of that matters any more..." he whispered with hardly any voice left and moved away from the still hugging Iruka. "They are history now... History that every one are trying to forget..."

"That's not true!" Iruka looked shocked at Kakashis still turned back, feeling his stomach turn as he thought for half a second about his own life. "As long as you love them and remember them they wont disappear! Even if they are gone in practice they will always be here with you in your heart! Right?"

Kakashi turned to him, looking at him with big eyes as Iruka took some steps closer, he too with tears filling up in his eyes.

"You're not alone Kakashi-san" the boy whispered and hugged him sweetly again. "Not now that I'm here for you.."

They stood there, close together with tears running down their faces, arms clinging to each other like they had nothing else that kept them from falling into darkness. Iruka hugged him tight even though Kakashi couldn't hug back that intensely and after a while he whispered again.

"I just want to be able to help you Kakashi-san"

"There is one thing..." Kakashi said after calming down, drying his tears, trying not to feel ashamed over them.

"Yeah..?" Iruka met his eyes and bit his lip in wonder. "I'll do any thing..."

"My shoulder... Can you..?" Kakashi backed away a bit and Iruka watched him with a bit frightened eyes. When Kakashi took his shatter of, the brown haired boys eyes grew in size and he staird at the left, swollen shoulder. It was blue and at least twice as big as the other one. Iruka didn't know what to say but Kakashi didn't wait for an answer.

"It has popped out of its joint..." he said with tired voice and met Irukas scared eyes. "I need it back in right place... But I don't want to go to the nurse..."

**-**

**Oh? Why didn't he want to go there? And is Iruka really going to do as Kakashi asked him? Is he reaally that strong?**

**find out if you keep reading ;) **

**oh and a special thanks to all you that have been reviewing :D you're the best and I'm so happy you like it still ^^ please keep up the good work! :D **

**see ya soooon :3  
**


	9. something you don't have

**I'm so sorry I haven't updated in ages ._. I really hope you're not disappointed in me ;___; I'll do my best in the future ne (L)**

**this chapter isn't any thing special really but I hope you like it any way :)**

**enjoy**

**-  
**

Iruka staird from the swollen shoulder to Kakashis tormented face, how long had he been wondering around with a dislocated shoulder like that? He shouldn't even be able to walk around because of the pain and still he...

"I need you to help me put it back Iruka" Kakashi said ones again and to Irukas fright the boy in front of him was turning pail in rapid speed.

"What..?" Iruka didn't even know what to say. He knew how to do it though cause he had had to help his mother ones when she fell down the stairs but he couldn't do it... He felt sick just thinking about how much it would hurt Kakashi if he did it the wrong way. His own psyche wasn't strong enough...

"Kakashi-san" He whispered and tried to gather his thoughts even though he couldn't even look at the white haired any more."I can't... It'll only hurt even more if I do..."

Kakashi sighed and closed his eyes, his world spinning.

"Please..." His voice was weakened and it scared Iruka right to the core.

"Do you really trust me to do that..?" he asked and Kakashi nodded, slowly sinking down on the floor against the cold wall. "Okay.. I'll do it..."

Kakashis scream was so terrible it made Iruka cry. The walls seemed to shake as the joint popped with a loud sound and Iruka sank down on the floor with chocked movements. He looked at Kakashis tormented face and saw the tears making his mask wet, saw that his mouth was still opened underneath it in a silent scream. Gently, and a bit hesitant, he put his arms around the shaking boy to try calming him down, he was as careful as he could in order not to hurt him even more.

"Kakashi-san" he whispered and stroke the crying boys back. "It's over now... ssh... It's over.."

Kakashi nodded, like he was trying to tell himself the same thing and after a while his breath slowed down and he relaxed as much as he could. Iruka held him gently all the while and as soon as he felt Kakashis body relax he reached to the sink and took one of the plastic cups, filled it with water and held it in front of Kakashi.

"You need to drink something" he said but the boy refused to even touch the cup.

Iruka looked at the fabric over Kakashis mouth. Why did he always have it on? Was he not content with the way le looked or was he scarred? 'A_nd why do I wanna rip it of this badly??' _

Gently the blushing boy made Kakashi rest his head in his knee, slowly stroking his silver white hair with soft fingers. He knew it was good to drink after the body had gone through major chock but he didn't know what to do too make Kakashi drink. He sighed and softly toughed the line of the fabric on the boys cheek and Kakashi opened his eye, looking up at him with both pain and gratefulness.

"Hi" he said and Iruka could see how he smiled as the fabric moved.

'_I just want a glimpse of it'_ he thought and let a fingertip touch the bump on the fabric where Kakashis lips began._ 'Just ones...' _

Kakashi smiled and looked like a question mark, of course since he couldn't read what Iruka was thinking. Iruka smiled and gently placed the cup in Kakashis healthy hand.

"I'll turn my head away..."

Kakashi opened his eye wider with surprise as Iruka turned his face away with closed eyes. If Kakashi didn't want him to see then he would respect that, until Kakashi was ready.

"I promise I won't look" He smiled and listened to every sound coming from the other boy. He heard how Kakashi slowly pulled the fabric down, heard how he put the cup to his lips and how he drank the cold water. It gave him goosebumps just listening to those sounds and the really had to restrain himself from not turning back to look at Kakashi.

Suddenly he felt soft fingers on his shoulder and his goosebumps even became visible this time. He turned and was met by Kakashis face, though covered by the mask again. He smiled and was relieved as he saw Kakashi smiling back, even though he was still pail.

"Thank you Iruka" he said with low voice and Iruka nodded.

"Everything for my friends right?" he answered and smiled wider as he saw some of the colour return to Kakashis face along with that smile. The silver haired one looked so much younger all of a sudden, he didn't have that grown up smirk any more, this was a gentle smile that even brought Kakashis sad face to shine.

Sudden steps and laughing voices appeared outside the door and Kakashi twitched, almost nervously. Iruka smiled a bit and put a comforting hand on the other boys knee, feeling the warmth of Kakashis body flow into the palm of his hand.

"Take it easy Kakashi-san" he whispered, aware of the fact that Kakashi obviously didn't want any one to see his broken shoulder. "I'll help you.."

Slowly enough not to hurt the pale one he helped him put on his swatter again and after some seconds of rest Kakashi had put his arm in his pocket and they were already on their way back to class. On the way out they met some of the older boys that Iruka knew quite well at the moment. The brown haired one walked passed them with lowered head, trying to keep up to Kakashis fast steps without running, that would be too obvious. But one of them got a glimpse of his face and immediately pushed him in the side so he flew straight into the wall.

"watch where you're going freak!" he shouted and Iruka lost air as he barged into the concrete wall.

Kakashi had turned right at the moment he had hear those harsh words. He was used to hear them being addressed to himself and he reacted instinctively. As he realized the guy wasn't talking to him, but to Iruka, something happened inside him. He hated people like that guy, who thought just because they could they would use their power to hurt people instead of helping them, people like his stepfather and this guy... In normal cases he would still just be looking if someone was being treated like Iruka was now... He never had the strength to fight for any one except himself even though he had wanted to many times but now...

Iruka was lying there on the floor, fighting to breath and if Kakashi didn't do anything they would soon start kicking him just because they saw it amusing. Kakashi knew he couldn't fight them and as soon as he even moved the slightest the pain in his arm convinced him of the fact. But he couldn't just stand there ether..! As the biggest of them, the one that had pushed Iruka, took some steps closer to the painting boy, Kakashi summoned his courage and looked up.

"Keep your hands away... or I'll break them..."

The guys looked up at him and the big one smirked even though Kakashi gave him a gaze that said he actually meant it.

"hehe" the big one laughed and forgot about Iruka, choosing Kakashi as his next pray instead. "Do you really think you can beat me pretty boy?"

Kakashi smirked, didn't even care about the chills running down his spine. His heart was cold towards people like them and as he saw the helpless Iruka on the floor he was certain that he could beat them.

"you know nothing about me" he smirked and walked back to the, closer to the big guy that actually seemed a bit surprised that he had the guts to walk so close. "I have some thing you don't have"

The others laughed with the big guy but Kakashi could see the slight fear in his eyes and saw the the big one was looking for a way to get out of this mess, but Kakashi wouldn't let him, not after what he did to Iruka.

Slowly Kakashi reached for his forehead protector, not really certain that this was what he should do but it felt like the right time and without this he wouldn't stand a chance now that his arm was out of use. He pulled it up, feeling the cold air against his exposed eye and opened it just as slowly...

Iruka blinked a couple of times and moved slowly, felt how his ribs ached every time he tried to breath. His mind was twirling and he sat up slowly with his hand on his stomach. He had no idea what happened after he hit the wall and he amused that he had fainted. He looked around and to his relive he felt Kakashis warm arms softly embrace him.

"Hey" the smoothest voice whispered and Iruka calmed down completely. "Don't worry, they're gone now."

_'Was he always this warm?'_ Iruka wondered and closed his eyes again, trying to calm his breath down. Kakashi lifted him carefully up in his lap and let Iruka rest his tired head for a while. He was drifting without realizing it and soon he was sleeping.

As Iruka slowly woke up he realized he was lying on a bench and that Kakashi was stroking his hair slowly. The boy was a bit pale but he didn't look like the others had beaten him and Iruka sighed in relief.

"Hi there" he whispered and Kakashi looked down in surprise.

"Oh good you're awake" he smiled and Iruka got all warm inside. "you've been sleeping but I don't know if you realized it you're self."

Iruka blushed and shook his head, he hadn't thought that he had been sleeping and now he felt a bit embarrassed about it. He had understood that Kakashi was worried about his sleep problems but now Kakashi was in grate pain and still Iruka couldn't stay awake. He felt bad about it even but didn't know what to say.

Kakashi just smiled and stroke his hair, still having his arm in his pocket so he wouldn't move it to much.

"It's okay Iruka, I understand it hurts so take it easy"

Iruka nodded and watched the clock on the wall above them, half passed three. They had missed almost all lessons and Iruka really didn't feel like going back to class. He looked up at Kakashis slender face again and smiled. He really was the hero type; modest about the fact that he was good looking and not bragging over the fact that there were a lot of girls swarming around him, still he was always there when you needed him, always there to help.

He sat up after a while, smiling at Kakashi who looked a bit tired too. "maybe we should just skip the last lesson and go home?" He didn't really like the idea himself but he knew Kakashi needed to rest and tell his step-parents what had happened and Iruka didn't want Kakashi to stay here in pain just because he was worried about him.

The white haired one met his eyes and nodded even though he looked worried and Iruka smiled comforting. "I'll be fine I promise"

-

Kakashi sighed as he made his way down the pavement. Iruka had been so understanding in a way that he hadn't felt from any one in years and that really made his head spin. His shoulder hurt like hell but he had learned how to push the feelings away and by the time he got to the front door he didn't even feel it any more.

To his surprise Iruka hadn't even asked about what happened to those guys and he felt some what grateful for that. Iruka had been so cute sleeping that Kakashi hadn't been able to take his eyes of him and he didn't want to trouble that boy even more.

He walked into the hallway and up to his room without a single glance at his stepmother. He didn't want to look at her ever again, she was more disgusting to him than ever now.

His room was empty and cold as he entered and his heart immediately sank to the bottom. He was lonely again even if Irukas tender smile had lightened up his day ones again he was now alone with a hurt shoulder and no idea how to protect himself this night. _'This is just grate...'_

He sat down at his desk with ears eagerly listening for any sound of his stepfather coming home, hand resting on the notebook like he was about to write but no words came. He looked at the blank paper and then closed his eyes, feeling them burn as the pen scribbled his thoughts almost against his will.

_-_

_I'm so scared..._

_I don't know what to do any more_

_can't even think straight_

_please_

_come back to me.._

_...some how..._

_please, save me_

_..._

_"__So tired that I couldn't even sleep  
So many secrets I couldn't keep  
Promised myself I wouldn't weep  
__One more promise I couldn't keep_

___It seems no one can help me now  
I'm in too deep  
There's no way out  
This time I have really led myself astray"_

___...Obito, Minato, Rin..._

___why do we love..?_

___why do we care..?_

___Iruka_

___-_

**so... what was all that about? :) what is it that Iruka is feeling towards Kakashi? and what was all that talk about Kakashi having something that those other guys don't..?**

**well keep reading and you'll find out soon enough ;)**

**please review and tell what you think ^^ if you have thoughts or questions be free to ask and tell :D  
**

**see'ya sooon ;D  
**


	10. the first snow

**Hi again ^^ I felt like writing so I did and I finished another chapie :D yay **

**I have been thinking a lot about this whole thing with Kakashis step-parents, not only because many of you have asked about them but because of the fact that Kakashi sooner or later has to step up to them :3 so I've made some rethinking and I hope you like it ^^**

**enjoy :D**

**-  
**

The screams filled the house and almost made the windows shutter as a smash was heard when the mirror in the bathroom broke. There was laughs coming from there mixed with the sound of cries full of pain.

She shut her eyes silently, burying her face in the pillow that was already soaked with salty tears, whispering calming words like in trance to get away from the torment of hearing that voice ring with pain in her ears.

"It's going to be okay my child" she whispered and stroked the madras gently like it was a infant in her care. "I'll protect you now..." More tears fell as she drew closer to the darkness of sleep, drew closer to ignorance and further away from shame and guilt.

_- _

Ayako woke up that morning with headaches as usual and her bare feet sounded quietly against the kitchen floor as she went to get a glass of water and some pills. The morning was grey and still the snow hadn't fallen.___'A pity' _she thought and leaned her forehead against the cold glass of the window.___ 'I always used to like the snow' _

Her thoughts wondered as she strayed over to the bathroom, watching the vague morning sunlight play on the walls as she lifted her eyes from her glass. What was it that made her have headaches all the time? She didn't know at the moment... She never knew.

The bathroom door was closed_. ____'How weird' _she thought and felt at the handle, uncertain that she was the only one awake now.___ 'Haven't I told him to always leave it open in case of emergency..?'_

She opened the door slowly in case there would be someone sitting inside, since the lock was broken, and a silky little cool wind from in there made her hair flutter. She smiled a bit and reached for the lamp button with happy thoughts of summer breezes on her mind when her bare foot suddenly stepped in something wet... She looked down in surprise at the same moment the light spread through the room and immediately she gasped for air and dropped her glass. She was standing in a puddle of blood.

-

Kakashi put the pillow over his head and tried to hide himself from her terrifying scream. She had found the blood on the floor again and of course she had no idea what was going on, yeah right. he shook his head as he heard her cry and tried to ignore the pounding pain in his head.

The day before had been nothing else than it always was on Thursday evenings. Kakashi had come home from school and sat own to write when his stepfather came home all drunk and angry and had violently abused his wife sexually (one of the new changes in the house lately was the he actually had started to sleep with her again, not than any one except he enjoyed it bur any way) then he had locked her inside the bedroom and dragged the boy out of his room, down to the bathroom where he had hit and raped him as hard as ever.

Kakashi got up and sat down at the desk, his right hand gently searching for the wound in the back of his neck. He knew he had been bleeding a lot but he just couldn't find the wound with his shaking fingers so after a while he gave up again.

The notebook still lay open since he hadn't had time to close it the evening before and the week words calling for help were exposed to him, they made him week... Cause he knew there was no rescue and no answerers... just him.

___-_

___For Minato; _

___I feel lost in my self but there is something that still keeps me going_

___I really wanted to talk to Obito about it at first but I can't..._

___He would just take it the completely wrong way and that is the last thing I want..._

___There is this boy, Iruka in my class..._

___he is really foolish and some times stupid_

___but there is something about him that makes me want to help him,_

___almost like it was with Obito at first._

___The other day, about a week ago, these older guys pushed Iruka into the wall and I got furious_

___my arm was dislocated at the time and I couldn't really move it that much _

___(Iruka had helped me fix it earlier that day by the way)_

___but still I got so furious I just wanted to kick those guys asses!_

___And I did... when Iruka was unconscious_

___After that I sat with him sleeping in my lap and I was so calm I didn't even mind the pain..._

___his smile is nice too_

___he sort of lights up my school-days _

___some times I cant fall asleep if I haven't seen him that day like on weekends_

___..._

___It's just...I promised I wouldn't get any one else in trouble and still I have invited him home..._

___I've got him to worry about me and I really didn't want that... right..?_

___I worry about him of course... don't know if I really show it though_

___he is both younger and more naïve and some how I feel a bit like his sempai or something_

___He hardly sleeps at night you see and I'm worried that he doesn't have it that pleasant at home..._

___or maybe that it's something even worse.._

___Over the past few weeks it has only become worse _

___he sleeps at all lessons but doesn't wanna leave school as we get of for the day..._

___and now that the finals are coming up I'm worried that he will flunk them_

___don't want to be without him next term... _

___really don't want to be without him..._

___heh sorry that I'm troubling you with these foolish thoughts..._

___I just don't have any one else to talk to and you really listen and I know you understand..._

___-_

There was a gentle knock at the door and Kakashi looked up in surprise as his stepmother peeked her head in. She hadn't been in his room for years and to see her stand there reminded him of how she used to be before she married his stepfather.

She looked at him but he didn't want to see her, not when she was crying like that, looking at him like it was all his fault. He looked away, waiting for her to say something but to his surprise she entered the room and came over to him without a word and put her fragile arms around his tired body.

"I'm sorry my child.." she whispered and then just stood there with her arms around him. She didn't say anything else and Kakashi was so chocked he almost started believe he was dreaming of hallucinating. Her arms felt war and he even felt like hugging back though he was certain she would disappear if he did. The bedroom door belonging to his step-parents room suddenly squeaked and she looked up in fright, let go of him and without a word she left the room. He sat there a couple of minutes, trying go understand what had just happened, then he went down stairs just to find her sleeping on the sofa.

He sighed and took some toast before leaving the house. He rather wanted her to be mad then care about him and he didn't even want to know why she had done that just now. He just wanted to concentrate on something else, school for instance.

As he entered the corridor, half and hour early, Irukas sleeping figure was the only one in sight and he smiled though with worry in his eyes. Silently he sat down on the bench were the boy was sleeping and lifted his head up in his lap, serving as his pillow.

"baka" he whispered and stroked the tired ones hair. "You really should start sleeping more at home..."

Iruka woke up slowly and looked up at him with tired eyes. Then, as he realized who it was he smiled and bit his lip.

"Good morning Kakashi-san" he said and Kakashi smiled back, still stroking his hair.

"Hi there sleepy head"

Iruka blushed and closed his eyes again, enjoying how gently Kakashi played with his hair, enjoyed how warm his lap was instead of the cold books he usually used as pillow. They stayed like that for a while, Iruka half sleeping and Kakashi gently playing with his hair, making him relax.

The brown haired was so innocent, Kakashi thought. And still there were so many things he had been forced to endure that any one would be scarred by just hearing about it. Iruka had been by his side for a whole month soon and Kakashi still didn't know him that well, still he wanted to be there for him, still he wanted to help him...as much as he could.

"Iruka" he whispered and the boy looked up with curious but tired eyes. "I thought that if you didn't have any plans for later maybe we could go eat ramen or something..?"

Iruka looked surprised and then blushed, looking away almost ashamed.

"I don't have any money" He whispered but Kakashi just smiled and shook his head.

"I'll treat you then, don't worry so much"

___-_

The day passed slowly and Iruka couldn't stop thinking and for ones wishing that the day would be over so he could go out with Kakashi. 'Go out with' he thought and blushed as he looked at the white haired one sneakily._ '____It's not like we're gong on a date or any thing... right?'_He shook his head and looked away, out the window. What was he thinking? Not like Kakashi was even thinking about the two of them like that, he would just be groused out if he found out what Iruka was thinking.

The clouds were white in the sky and to his surprise he saw small flakes twirl in the wind. _'____Grate'_ he thought and sighed before laying his tired head on his books.___'Just when I thought the snow wasn't gonna come yet... depressing...'_The snow was falling silently and as the class ended Iruka kept sleeping, wishing more than ever that the global warming would make snow disappear for ever.

"hey Iruka" Kakashi said and poked his shoulder about an hour later. "Are you ready to go and eat?"

Iruka woke up slowly and blinked a couple of times before realizing were he was and what he was doing. Then he met Kakashis eye and suddenly remembered what they were going to do that evening. He smiled, even feeling blush re-enter his face and packed up his bag.

"Yes I'm all ready!"

Kakashi smiled and they went together out the classroom and down the main stair, Iruka eagerly discussing which flavour of ramen was the best.

"you really like ramen right?" Kakashi laughed as Iruka couldn't decide which one to pick though they hadn't even left the school grounds yet.

Iruka smiled wide and nodded. "I used to eat it with my parents a lot when I was younger"

Kakashi nodded understanding and Iruka felt how his stomach turned as he thought of his parents which he hadn't done in quite a while. He felt guilty for not doing so and decided that he'd go and visit them as soon as he could.

They walked in quick speed since it was quite cold outside and soon they reached the Ichiraku Ramen bar. Iruka looked at it with eyes shining like a kids eyes on Christmas and Kakashi laughed a bit.

"Why do you have to be so cute?" he asked and dragged Iruka with him inside. The brown haired one just smiled and stuck his tongue out like always when he was childishly embarrassed.

"Welcome" Teuchi, the owner said with a big smile and Kakashi sat down at one of the high chairs, Iruka did the same.

"Well Kakashi" the owner said and handed him the menu. "Long time no see, how is everything going?"

"Grate thank you old man" Kakashi smiled and ordered something.

Teuchi looked at Iruka and his smile widened. "Iruka-chan I haven't see you in years!"

Iruka blushed and bit his lip, then smiled and nodded. "Well I've been pretty busy..."

"yeah I heard about your parents" Teuchi said and looked up from the big pot with boiling water. "I'm sorry to hear that... I was hoping all this time that you'd come here so I'd know you were okay..."

Kakashi looked up, surprised at those words and tried to catch Irukas eyes but the boy just lowered his head and nodded.

"Thank you" he whispered. "That means a lot to me..."

The man behind the counter put the two boys' ramen in front of them and gave Iruka an encouraging smile. "here, eat some while I go to the back and see if I have some lollipops for you"

Kakashis forehead wrinkled as he thought about it and as Iruka kept eating he watched him with heavy heart. He didn't really know much about Iruka and he knew they had some sort of connection but... this..? ___'So that's why I feel so attached to him..' _he thought. ___'Iruka is the same as me...'_

**-**

**Wait what was that? Did Teuchi just say "..I heard about your parents (...) I'm sorry to hear that..."? What did he mean? Is Irukas parents dead just like Kakashis? Will this make their bond stronger or will Kakashis fear of commitment be in their way? and what will Iruka do when Kakashi asks him about it..? will he tell Kakashi or will he hide behind that smile...? keep reading and you'll find out soon ;) **

**see'ya :D suki!**

**and thank you so much for all the reviews!! :D keep up the good work folks ;3  
**


	11. the truth

**Back again D: missed me? ;) **

**This chapter is a lot about Iruka actually so I hope you like it and that you're eager to hear what is really bothering that poor boy x3**

**Soon I'll be done with school for this term an I hope that I can write some interesting chapters for you then ^^ but right now it's still kinda much to do :/ **

**hope you enjoy this chapie :D **

**oh Iruka is so innocent ^^ love him**

**-  
**

The man behind the counter had gone to the back of the bar to check if he had any candy for the boys and Iruka had started eating. Kakashi didn't know what to say about this new discovery but he couldn't just let it go now that he had heard about it so when he was sure old man Teuchi was out of haring range he turned to Iruka.

"So your parents..?" He couldn't say more, his voice broke but Iruka just smiled sadly and nodded.

"Yes" he answered but kept his eyes on the food. "They were killed during the war... by the Kyuubi.."

Kakashi couldn't let Iruka go with his gaze. They had so much in common and still he had never asked about any of this. He hadn't even understood that Iruka was an orphaned. Iruka sighed and stirred the ramen with his sticks, biting his lip.

"I'm over them and all" he said after a little while of thinking. "It's just a bit hard to talk about it some times... sorry I didn't tell you before..."

Kakashi felt stupid and looked at Iruka with searching eyes.

"Hey" he said and put a comforting hand on the brown haired ones shoulder. "It's nothing you need to beg for forgiveness about... I'm the one that should be sorry"

Iruka met his eyes and smiled a bit, actually feeling better after telling about it. Kakashi was understanding and Iruka liked that about him. He always knew what to say to make Iruka feel better and he was always there._ '____God'_he thought and smiled a bit wider.___'You really are a knight in shining armour..' _

"So that is why you sleep so poorly at night?" Kakashi asked but Iruka wiggled his shoulders.

"Of course I miss them and all" he answered and scratched his neck. "But I'm more... like worrying about other stuff you know..."

Kakashi nodded and they kept eating as the swift cold breezes swept through the streets behind them. Iruka didn't look at Kakashi to show his respect, that was the least thing he could do and Kakashi really seemed to trust him with that.

After eating up though, Kakashi pulled the mask up again and Iruka smiled at him, tenderly like always.

"Was it good Kakashi-san?" he asked and the white haired nodded with a smile. Both of them were full and the sun had set a long time ago but they kept sitting there, just talking silently to each other.

"So is there any thing you'd like to ask me Iruka?" Kakashi asked after about half an hour. Iruka thought for a while and bit his lip. There was actually some things he wanted to know but he hadn't dared asking... But since Kakashi asked he conjured his courage.

"Yondaime..." He started but bit his lip ones again. It just felt wrong to ask about something sensitive as that. He looked down but to his surprise Kakashi smiled a bit and scratched his neck.

"Well..." He started and Iruka looked up again. "Minato was my master, my sensei and my friend. He was there for me at times when no one else was and he was one of the people who teached me how to be the person I am today."

Iruka looked down ones again but smiled a bit by the thought of that grate leader as some one you could actually talk to. His mind fluttered away though and soon he was back at that dreadful day that he would always remember as the day he lost everything. Kakashi looked at him and ones again he put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"As long as you love them and remember them they wont disappear. Even if they are gone in practice they will always be here with you in your heart, right Iruka?"

The brown haired blushed as he heard his own words being spoken and he felt how tears reached his eyes. Kakashi had really listened to him and remembered what he had said, every word of it. Iruka felt how his heart ached and still he was smiling, because some one had seen him, some one had finally recognized his existence and he got all warm inside. Kakashi smiled wider as he saw the gentle warmth in the other boys eyes and they sat there smiling for a while, feeling the darkness ease a bit around their hurt hearts.

But suddenly Kakashis phone rand and they both jumped a bit, Kakashi looking at the screen. He sighed and stood up.

"I'll be right back, it's just my mum.." he said before walking out on the street. "Yeah..? hi mum..."

Iruka looked after him and sighed too, almost to tired to move and since the cold winds had started to move a lot harder he didn't really want to leave the warmth of the bar ether.

"Are you sure you're okay Iru-chan?" Teuchi asked and gave him a worried look, offering him a cup of warm tea. "You look skinny and I have seen you around here lately but you never say hello.."

Iruka blushed and didn't meet his eye. He had known that this day would come and though he wasn't really prepared to take the consequences he had to take the risk. So silently he raised his head and met the older man's eyes, but as soon as he did the words disappeared from his mind.

The man, that was doing the dishes, still looked at him and now he was certain that he was right about his theory.

"Iruka" he said and put the glass down. "where do you live now that you're parents are gone?"

The words hit the boy like stabbing knifes all over his body but he had an answer for the question, an answer that he had learned by heart now and it was flawless...

"Well I was offered an apartment by the Hokage so I'm living there at the moment" he said without meeting the man's eyes and before Teuchi had time to answer Kakashi came back looking grumpy.

"I'm sorry Iruka but I have to go home now..."

Iruka nodded understanding at Kakashis sad face.

"It's okay" he said and smiled. "As long as you pay before you go"

Kakashis face relaxed a bit but he didn't smile back, just looked sad the cold boy. Iruka smiled still though and lay a hand on the other ones shoulder.

"Don't worry about me Kakashi-san" he smiled and Kakashi felt the warmth from the boys hand flow into his own body. "I'll be fine and I'll see you tomorrow ne?"

"Yeah" Kakashi smiled, but just a little, then turned towards Teuchi to pay for the meal. "Here you go old man, take care of Iruka for me will ya?"

Iruka could fell how he blushed but the man behind the counter just smiled and nodded, waving a bit with a spoon in the air. "I sure will!"

When Kakashi had left, Iruka sat there a long while in silence. He felt lonely again and the man behind the counter was working so he couldn't really talk to him ether. Kakashi was fun to talk to and be with and he really understood things... It felt good that he knew about his parents now, real good. It really felt good just to be with him and it only there was a way for him to tell Kakashi what was really bothering him...

"Is that how it really is Iru-chan?" the man behind the counter suddenly asked and Iruka was awakened from his thoughts.

"What do you mean Teuchi-san?" he asked, but he only said it to by time, he knew exactly what eh was talking about.

"About the apartment Hokage-sama offered you?" The man asked and fixed Iruka with his gaze, eyes worried and the boy looked down.

"Yeah it's true" he answered but didn't look up. "you can ask The Hokage if you don't believe me..." But his mind was desperately working against himself and the obvious thoughts became clear to him, so clear his eyes filled with tears_. ____'I wish so desperately it was true'_he cried in his mind, half wanting Teuchi to know.___'I wish I didn't have to lie any more...' _

The man sighed as he saw the tears dripping down on the table and slowly he reached over the wooden disk and patted Iruka tenderly on the head. The boy just sat there, crying quietly as the cold snowy air swept over the streets.

"My child.." Teuchi said and smiled gently as Iruka bit his lip, wiping his tears away. "Do you really have no were to go at night?"

The boy shivered but shook his head, quiet but desperate. He had been found out and he couldn't stop crying. How could he have been so foolish?

"you have no roof over your head..?"

Iruka shook his head ones again and felt how the icy cold winds started to make his fingers numb.

"I've been sleeping out side since this summer..."

If he were to sleep outside this night he would freeze to death no doubt about it, but he couldn't go back to the Hokage, not now.

"Please Teuchi-san" he suddenly said and looked up at the man with begging eyes. "Don't tell any one! I'll be fine... don't wanna be trouble... please.... I can't tell any one... don't wanna fail the Hokage even more than I already have..."

His voice broke but Teuchi just shook his head, went into the back and came out from behind the counter, picking the shaking boy up in his lap and hushed him. The boy sobbed even though he tried to keep the tears away but the man's strong arms made him feel so small...

"Listen Iruka" he said with his calm voice and gently hugged him. "The Hokage just wants you to be safe... and he cares..."

"No but you can't tell!" Iruka interrupted and more tears fell. "He doesn't need to know! I can go and sleep in the mall or some thing I'll be fine really!"

"Iruka" the man silenced him with a sad smile and Iruka lowered his head. "I care too, and now that I know I can't just let you out again... not in this stormy weather."

"But I don't wanna be a burden..."

"You're not, my boy" Teuchi smiled and put his big hand on Irukas head. "My wife will just be happy to see you again and we have lots of room for another boy to sleep over.. don't worry so much..."

Iruka was feeling so guilty but yet so relaxed a he walked down the pavement next to the older man later that same evening. Teuchi was talking and laughing and it felt calming to know he would have a bed to crawl down into now that the wind was getting even stronger. ___'Kakashi..'_he thought and looked up into the velvet black skies that were filled with clouds.___ 'What would you do if you knew...?' _

"So you had an apartment in the beginning right?" Teuchis asked and Iruka was awakened from his thoughts.

"Yeah.. but I lost my job and couldn't pay for it... and after that I couldn't even face Hokage-sama..."

Teuchi nodded understanding and put his war big hand around Irukas shaking shoulders. "Well you never have to be alone you know" he smiled and met the boys gaze. "When ever you need to you can always come to me and my family Iruka."

His smile was sincere and Iruka was struck by the fact that he was actually being serious. He meant every word that he said and the boy felt hos burning tears filled his eyes as he smiled too, so happy for that moment that he couldn't have asked for more.

"And what you need to do now, is face the people you have been running from... " Teuchi continued and Iruka wrinkled his forehead.

_'what "people"? there was only one he didn't want to tell... right..?'_

He thought about it for a while, a bit confused so he had to ask.

"What people except the Hokage do you mean Teuchi-san..?"

The man smiled and gently ruffled Irukas hair with his hand. "Kakashi..." he smiled and Iruka blushed suddenly. "I can see it from miles away Iru-chan... But you have to make him see it too..."

"S-see what?" Iruka blushed and started walking faster, his heart in his gut. "I don't know what you're talking about..!"

But he felt the bubbling sensation in his stomach and turned his head back, met Teuchis smiling eyes.___'I'm really that obvious, huh..? That damn Kakashi'_For the entire way home to the man's house he couldn't stop smiling, hands in his pockets and cheeks eagerly blushing. ___'Damn Kakashi'_

**-**

**"Damn Kakashi"? hehe and that was said with a smile ^^ isn't that so cute? XD okay I'm getting a bit involved so what? :P**

**next: Is Iruka going to tell kakashi and the Hokage...? Or is he still going to hide himself behind fake smiles and lies just like Kakashi does..? Ant what happens when Iruka comes over to Kakashis place since he skipped school...? find out soon! :D**

**(You're so good at reviewing so I don't even need to beg for it :D I'm so happy! :D keep up the good work!)  
**

**see ya!  
**


	12. paralysed

**hi again every one :) **

**I have some news and that is that this story is, sadly enough, heading towards the finishing line :/ I'm really happy that so many of you reviewed and showed how much you like it and I'm sorry to tell you the sad news :/ Of course I haven't written written it all yet and if many of you protest against it then i might be able to write some more ^^ if you want me to :3 And some of you might even read my next fanfiction? ;)  
**

**of course, I will write when the last chapter comes along and stuff so don't worry ne ^^**

**Well I hope you'll like this one too ^^ so that I haven't lost my touch ;)**

**enjoy (L)**

**-  
**

Iruka woke up in a bed made of a soft madras and a pillow under his head, it almost felt like he had been sleeping on clouds. His back didn't even hurt any more and the dark marks under his eyes where gone just by him sleeping sweetly for one night. He smiled a bit as he saw the smooth sunlight brush tenderly against the white walls of the guest room. There was something about the sunlight that always made him feel so safe and at ease.

___'Kakakshi' _he thought and caressed the pillow as though it was a cheek.___'I hope you'll not be mad that I haven't told you before... but I'll make it up to you, I promise' _He smiled wider and bit his lip. A soft knock on the door made him look up in tired surprise.

"Hai?"

A girl in his own age, dressed in a ping robe and her brown hair in a ponytail, peeked in her head and smiled at him. She was Teuchis daughter Ayame and she had been the only one at home the night before when he came there.

"Did you sleep any Iruka-kun?" She came over to his beside and put his newly washed school uniform on his cover. He smiled and nodded, there was like a knob in his throat, created by the kindness from this girl and her family that made it hard for him to speak.

"Mother has made pancakes for breakfast so I came to get you" the girl smiled and he felt the sweet sent leek in the room from the kitchen.

There was something about this family that was so safe and so utterly freeing that Iruka couldn't help getting soft tears in his eyes when he saw her smiling lips. This was the kind of warm family that he had had, the kind of happiness that he had longed for for such a long time.

"You coming down or what?" she smiled and left the room again.

He sighed and got dressed. The smell of pancakes made his nose itch and he was so hungry all of a sudden that he could hardly stand. ___'God I didn't know you could be hungry in the mornings'_he thought and smiled as he thought of what his mother had always said about breakfast being the most important meal of the day.___'Now you can't fuss any more mum, pancakes has to be counted as some sort of breakfast right?'_

He came down with a shy smile on his face and three smiling faces met his own. Teuchi sat at the table reading the newspaper an his wife was standing at the stove. Ayame smiled widely and patted Iruka on the shoulder.

"You look starving Iruka-kun, have some food will ya?"

Satisfied and content he entered the school at Ayames side. She was smiling and talking like they had known each other for years and he found it nice to know that she didn't look at him differently even though she knew his secret.

They parted with smiles and good luck – wishes and Iruka went to his home room corridor. He had decided, with a little encouragement from Teuchis family, to tell Kakashi as soon as possible and that would be right away. He didn't want to hide it any more cause he knew that Kakashi was worried and what would he do if not tell him the truth? ___'You shouldn't lie to the one you truly... you truly...' _He giggled a bit at his own thoughts and bit his lips as he looked around for the white hair. He knew his thoughts where a bit out of the ordinary but he couldn't care less.

There were no sight of Kakashi yet though and Iruka sighed, his courage a bit scared. It had taken the whole morning and the evening before for him to build it up and he wouldn't get scared this time. If Kakashi was late he would always have time to talk to him at lunch.

But the hours passed and when lunch came there was still no sight of that white hair or that handsome figure and Iruka felt how his heart ached to talk to him, to tell him and hug him, be close...

"Sensei" he sad as the rest of the class had left the room. "Have you heard anything from Kakashi-san..?"

His teacher looked up and wrinkled his eyebrows. "No not really" he answered and started cleaning the black board. "I guess he is skipping school today like the rest of those who weren't here..."

Iruka bit his lip and looked out the window at the snow landscape. Would Kakashi really do that? It didn't seem much like him and Iruka knew for a fact that Kakashi wanted to be at school rather than to be at home, he had said so him self.

Even though Kakashi had said that his foster parents were grate and even though Iruka had been at his house and everything, the face of that woman just didn't want to disappear from his thoughts. Kakashis stepmother had been a beautiful woman, Iruka was sure of it, but her appearance most have changed drastically in just a couple of years. Her face was so pale you could almost see the bones under the fragile skin and her eyes seemed to not have been shut in years since the whites were read. She had even more of those dark marks than Iruka had ever had and her dark stripy hair looked like something ripped right out of a horror movie.

Some how Iruka felt sorry for her though he didn't know what was wrong. Of course there had to be some thing for her to look so helplessly weak and he knew that kind of weakness so well. Kakashi hadn't talked a lot about her or his stepfather and Iruka had started to wonder even though he knew he would never be fearless enough to ask.

The image of her had been printed in his mind and even though she had scared him when he saw her, she was the key to Kakashis secrets, Iruka was sure of it.

The day ended after a torment of loneliness and Iruka headed for the exit in a hurry. He knew he was welcome to stay at Ayames family again and he intended doing so too, but he needed to see Kakashi first, check on him so that he hadn't been "clumsy" again.

As he reached the neighbourhood Kakashi and his family lived in there was a slight chill crawling down his back and he hesitated. Was it really so good coming there unannounced? What if Kakashi was really sick of if something had happened...? Kakashi might get angry and snap at him... In reality, Iruka didn't know as much about Kakashi as he wished he had.

But he didn't turn around to walk back to Teuchis family. He had to see Kakashi, no matter what happened and what consequences he might have to deal with. Kakashi was important to him and he really wanted to tell him about everything, so he kept going in steady pace until he came to the big grey house. had it always been that big, dark and threatening? Or was it just that he was alone this time..? Iruka didn't know but didn't really care ether.

___'Kakashi...'_ he thought for about the thirtieth time that day.___'I hope you won't get mad... please... I just want to see you...'_

The gate to the yard squeaked and he walked up to the front door on shaky legs. There was a light coming from the kitchen but he could see no movement and there was no sign of any one being home, the mail hadn't even been picked up from the door mat.

Ding dong!

The empty sound echoed through the cold evening and the dark house, breaking the silence in the most horrid way that left Iruka with chills all over his body. There was no going back now, the only thing he could do now was wait for some one to come and open... wait, or run like a coward.

"how is it?" a female voice sounded and Iruka instinctively took a step back. Was she at home at this hoer? He hadn't even though about having to talk to her if Kakashi was sleeping, but of course she would be at home if her son was sick right?

"Ah.. It's Iruka" he answered, unable to get his voice to stop shaking. "You've met me ones before.. I'm in the same class as Kakashi-san... I want to talk to him, can I?"

There was a long silence and he was almost sure she had left or even fainted and he started panicking about what to do when she suddenly started talking again.

"Oh... but Kakashi is sick..." she said, her voice sounding hesitant. "You can't see him.."

Irukas stomach clenched itself to a knob and he blosed his eyes hard, feeling the tears in his eyes. He wanted to see him!

"Please.." he said and put one of his shaking hands on the door. "I really need to see your son..."

The silence was painful but didn't last very long. A slight "click" was heard from the loch and the door opened slowly, revealing the woman's pale face and her skinny body that war wrapped in an all to large swatter. She looked even more tired now than before and she was clenching a peace of soft paper in her hand.

Iruka bit his lip, not sure if he was letting him in or just opened to look at him but after a couple of seconds she stepped aside. There was something about her manner that told Iruka she wasn't as well as Kakashi had said. Iruka was used to seeing homeless woman and men that were often affected by some drugs and they moved and spoke a bit like her. Was she really well..?

Iruka was so shy though that he had no courage asking her or saying any thing else so he took some rambling steps over the threshold and went past her into the darkness of the hallway. The apartment smelled confined and there was something in the air that reminded him of a time long ago when he had been suffering from stomach disorder and had been puking all night.

The woman walked behind him, her head looking to the sides as if she was sure there was some one eyeing them from afar. He saw the slight fear in her eyes and he realized that it had been there last he saw her too.

"Where is he..?" he asked and he saw how she jumped at the sound of his voice. "sorry... didn't mean to scare you..."

She bit her already broken lip and went into the kitchen, giving a sign so he would follow. "Why did you come here... Iruka-kun..?" She then asked as she stood by the window looking out over the yard.

"Ah.. I.. I was worried that he was sick... so I.." he started but she interrupted him almost immediately.

"You are bad at lying Iruka-kun.." Her eyes were now fixed on him and he saw the shear hatred in them, felt it burn down his spine.

"What do you mean..?" He asked even though he just felt like disappearing through the ground.

"You think I don't know...?" She had started moving towards him, mussels twitching with rage. "I know where you come from you little peace of shit!"

Iruka stared as she lifted one of the plates that were set on the table beside her and threw it hard at his direction. Luckily she was a bit slow in her motions and he had time to duck before the porcelain plate would crash towards his skull.

"Please wait" he begged but she saw no reason in listening to him.

"You think you can come here and ruin everything?! I'm not going to let you take him from me!!"

Iruka was in shock. His body didn't want to move any longer and his heart was almost pounding so hard he feared it would break out of his chest. She was screaming things at him, throwing around with her arms but only hitting thin air. He had to duck and soon he was on the floor with no cover other than his frail arms.

"Please..." He whispered to afraid to talk in high voice. "I just came to see Kakashi..!"

"You are all alike! Coming here thinking you can fool me! I who you're working for!!"

His heart skipped a beat as she raised the frying pan over his head. He had no were to run any more! How could he have been so stupid?! Her eyes were red from the tears of anger that flushed her cheeks and every word that came out of her broken lips were like daggers stabbing all over his body. He was like a rabbit caught in the lights from a car; paralysed.

**-**

**omfg! what just happened?? my fingers just wrote by them self ;) What will happen next?? Is Kakashi really okay...? will someone help poor Iruka? and will Kakashis stepfather be home any minute?? :O This is horrible x'3 (and it's called a "cliff hanger" XD)**

**please keep being so good at reviewing! that's partly the reason why I keep writing! (L)  
**

**see'ya!!  
**


	13. confession

**hi again :D man I'm ****effective! :D I have finished a new chapie so now the cliff hanger isn't so bad ne? ;) I hope you like it even if it's a bit confusing :/ this is basicly when Iruka starts to understand what has actually happened ti Kakashi :) And Kakashi... well... read it ;)**

**enjoy!**

**-  
**

The loud, hollow sound echoed through the kitchen as the frying pan hit its mark and she keeled in horror as she realized what she had done. The pan hit the floor and made a mark with a "dunk". Her eyes were closed shut as they filled up with tears again, remorse filling her heart to the breaking point.

Iruka opened his eyes, feeling the hot liquid of his own tears fall down his damped cheeks, feeling warm arms embrace him as Kakashi shoved him close to his chest. Irukas heart was pounding herder and harder as the panic rose ones again in his heart. He had heard the frying pan hit, he had heard it slam into something and now Kakashi was... holding him?! Had he…taken the hit..?

"Kakashi-san..!" he called but felt a soft finger against his shaking lips and grew quiet. His eyes were dimmed by the tears that filed them but there was something different about the boy in front of him... At first it was just something he knew by instinct, there was a feeling of difference. Then there was the touch, Iruka was sure there was something different about the feeling of that cheek against his own... Then it hit him, even though he could hardly see he was sure that Kakashi wasn't wearing his mask..!

"Iruka listen" Kakashi said and gently put his hand on Irukas cheek. "Go up to my room and stay there... I'll be up as soon as my mother has calmed down I promise..."

The boy nodded and Kakashi sighed, he was hit in the back but Ayako had noticed that he had come running and in the last minute she had slowed down. The frying pan had hit right between his shoulder blades though and he could hardly breathe, but he couldn't show Iruka that. He needed Iruka to calmly walk away; needed him to stay calm and gentle, he needed him to be there when he came back upstairs... He needed him.

Iruka bit his lip, his eyes were so draped with tears that he couldn't see what he had longed to see even though it was right before his eyes. Kakashi had come to rescue him and now the only thing he could think about was the other ones face..? That was absurd... right? How could he want to see it so badly that everything else seamed meaningless? He wanted to see it, gently touch t with his fingertips, kiss it softly and caress it with his lips... It was so close he could feel the warmth of Kakashis breath mixed together with his own._'Oh God please'_his thoughts were unstoppable._'Just one... one...'_

"Iruka go, now!" Kakashi reminded and brought him back to reality. Iruka nodded again and pulled away from the warmth of Kakashis body, eyeing the woman carefully than he ran as fast as his legs could move up the stairs.

He couldn't hear any talking from downstairs but he was too afraid and still to shocked to even want to know what was going on and as soon as he was inside the room he closed the door and sank down to the floor.

What was it that had just happened?!

She had freaked out for nothing, like she didn't even remember meting him before. She had called him names like "the devils child" and had been shouting at him that he was some kind of under cover social worker or some thing. He was shaking to the bones as he remembered how her eyes had been showering madness and hatred over him. She wasn't well… Kakashi would hate him now that he had come here and made everything worse… She was the one that had been abusing him all this time, Iruka was sure of it! Maybe she would never stop now… he had ruined everything.

The tears were threatening to fall again and Iruka buried his face in his knees, softly wining. He had been so scared and now when the adrenaline was fading he felt the emptiness overtake him

When his breath had calmed down and his heart was only beating hard because of the fact that he had almost seen Kakashis face, he stood up and went over to the bed. He was feeling a bit dizzy and the only thing he wanted to do was to lye down. But before he reached it his eyes fell on something completely different that made him forget his dizziness. There was a book with smooth pages lying on the desk and the thing that caught his attention was the fact that his name was written there with Kakashis handwriting.

_'Nanda?'_he went over to the desk, not because he wanted to snoop or any thing but he just couldn't help being curious. _'Hm... just a peek won't hurt...' _He looked at the page and even though his name wasn't mentioned until further down, he started reading from the top.

_-_

_For Obito,_

_Okay I've got to be honest with you_

_and please don't be mad with me for not telling you until now_

_the thing is Obito..._

_you know how much a love you..._

_you know how much I care and that I would have stayed faithful to you_

_if the end hadn't come so soon..._

_oh God I wish it hadn't..._

_-_

Iruka looked at the text with his stomach clenched in such a tight ball that he was having trouble breathing. "you know how much I love you..."? What was that supposed to mean? Obito..? Wasn't that...?

A part of him didn't want to read more but there was something that just made him continue. He felt bad from the bottom of his heart, bad because this was Kakashis private thoughts, bad because he was not supposed to read and yet he couldn't stop himself, bad because Kakashi loved some one, and that some one wasn't him...

_-_

_My heart aches every time I have to think about it but still it keeps me going_

_your smile was always the one thing I wanted to see when waking up_

_your voice, your body, your smile_

_you_

_those were the things I though I could never live without..._

_you were always my sunshine... Obito._

_my only sunshine_

_until now_

_..._

_There are certain things you should never do when in a relationship_

_one is to break up with sms or email..._

_remember, you told me that?_

_heh.. you weren't so dumb after all were you..?_

_uzuratonkachi _

_-_

Iruka touched the paper softly with his fingertips. Seeing how the paper had curled as if it had been stained with water. Kakashi had been crying when writing this, on some places the inch was even a bit smeared as the water had dripped on it. These feelings were sincere and Iruka was not meant to read this...and still he couldn't take his eyes of the curly signs made by Kakashis skilled hands.

_-_

_this is a letter to you_

_...and I guess that could be counted as a email, I don't know..._

_but I need you to know that I never wanted to do this to you_

_ever..._

_I thought our love would be everlasting_

_I thought you'd always be here_

_but you are not_

_you're not here_

_..._

_I never wanted to admit it_

_nor write it_

_but now I have to_

_even though it might be to late I've got to say a couple of words..._

_I know you're gone Obito..._

_ and you're never coming back..._

_no matter what I tell my self I will never see your smile again_

_no matte what I tell my self I will never feel your lips softly pressed against mine again_

_no matter what I do I'll never hear your voice again_

_never feel your body_

_never..._

_I love you still Obito_

_but I'm letting go now... _

_I'm sorry_

_-_

Iruka had his hand over his mouth. There were tears falling from his eyes and he couldn't stop them. There was something about this that felt so wrong it actually hurt and at the same time Kakashis words were so strong they went right into his heart.

"Kakashi.." he whispered and slowly caressed the paper again. "I'm so sorry I didn't understand..."

_-_

_the sunshine you brought to my life will always stay in my heart and guide me_

_the warmth from your arms will always comfort me_

_and the smell of ramen will always be reminding me of how clumsy you are_

_heh_

_I've wanted so desperately to tell you but I never knew how to write it_

_I still don't know but I need to tell you_

_so here goes nothing;_

_As I told you before, there is this boy in my class_

_Iruka_

_-_

The door opened before he had time to read any further and in a flash Iruka had turned his back to the book. Kakashi had his mask on and he was looking more tired than ever before. His eye wondered from Irukas face that was still draped with tears to the opened book on the table. In to seconds he was at the desk and closed it.

"Did you read this?" he asked and held it up in front of Iruka who now realized exactly hat he had done. "Did you?"

Iruka could do nothing but nod as he let his eyes drop to the floor in shame. The high pitch in Kakashis voice told him how wrong it was of him to do as he had done and he felt the tears crepe up into his eyes again. The shame he felt was eating him from the inside and he just wanted to sink through the floor, even if that meant facing Kakashis mother instead.

"Why..?" Kakashi tried to catch his eyes again but he dared not look up. He felt the disappointment pushing him down already and he feared he would break if he met that cold gaze.

"Answer me! Why did you read it!?"

Iruka shivered and hit his lips as the tears fell. Kakashi was mad, really mad and he was sure he would get at least beaten. He had never seen this side of him and now he started to wish he would never have come here in the first place.

"I… I didn't mean to…" he tried but his voice was shaking and he couldn't find the right words to cover for himself. He knew all to well how wrong it was. "I just…"

"you what, Iruka?? What made you think that it was okay reading through my thoughts??"

"I'm worried about you…" Iruka could hear how the tears choked up his throat and he felt them drip down his cheeks. "I just wanted to help…"

"And you think it would help...to read my diary?" Kakashis voice wasn't angry though, maybe it was just all in Irukas head or maybe he had calmed down, but it sounded almost like the white haired one was disappointed.

"No… I just… You don't…" Iruka struggled to find the words, struggled to breathe but it was pointless. No matter how hard he tried there was no change in his dead scared mind and all he could think of was that he would never earn Kakashis trust again. He would never be embraced by those strong arms or comforted by that smooth voice, Kakashi would never talk to him again… just like Mizaki had done… just like all of them

With his bottom lip slightly shaking Iruka lifted his head and looked straight into the face of the only one he wanted to be with, he face of the one that he never wanted to be parted from. The one that now had to hate him…

"What should I have done then..?" he asked and captured Kakashis gaze with his fiery, dark brown eyes. "You never tell me any thing about you… I hardly know you even though I want to know everything… Don't you get it..? If you don't tell me I need to find out by myself…"

"Have you even asked me Iruka?" Kakashis voice was cold and harsh, he had had enough. "If I had known you wanted to know I would have told you!"

"I was too afraid okay!" Iruka was frustrated and the tears just didn't stop poring down his cheeks as he clenched his fists. "I thought you'd feel bad and every time I asked you just avoided me like I had hurt your feelings so I didn't dare to! I didn't want to hurt you..!"

Kakashi backed away, not sure how to react when Iruka was upset like that. He knew he had been a bit harsh but he really didn't want the boy to find out… not like this. He wanted to tell Iruka himself, about his feelings, about what he wanted… He was mad because Iruka had found out by reading it before he had worked up the courage to tell him himself!

"I really care about you Kakashi!" the boy continued and Kakashi shivered as he heard his name being spoken like that. Iruka hadn't even realized that he hadn't said "san" after it. "And I wanted to help! But I'm sorry…! I'm sorry that every thing I do makes you hate me!"

Angry tears were falling down the boys' cheeks and made them moist with salt. Kakashi hesitated even though he knew he could only do one thing. If Iruka knew what he felt there was no point in him hiding any thing from him any longer… The words he had written echoed in his head as he slowly started unbuttoning his shirt;

_ "__I've wanted so desperately to tell you but I never knew how to write it_

_I still don't know but I need to tell you_

_so here goes nothing;_

_As I told you before, there is this boy in my class_

_Iruka_

_He is like you but different_

_He is happy from the heart not by fake_

_Whenever he is down I just want to help_

_He is lazy but ever so sweetly he wants my help when needing it_

_He is all I could ever dream_

_Know that you are nor replaced Obito_

_I love you_

_From the bottom of my heart_

_But you were the one telling me to keep fighting… to keep living_

_I love him, Obito_

_Love him more than I could possibly understand myself…_

_You were my sunshine, the warmth of my heart_

_But seasons change and you're no longer here beside me to guide me_

_Your eternal summer shall never fade in my heart_

_I promise_

_…_

_For Iruka,_

_You are my sunshine_

_I love you"_

The shirt fell to the floor, revealing his beat up chest and his marked torso. His eyes were closed and he felt the chilly air brush against his fragile skin. The fabric left over his face itched but he didn't remove it, nor did he move, he just stood there, looking Iruka directly in the eyes.

"This is what you wanted to see… isn't it..?" he asked and felt, even though Irukas eyes were filled with horror that he was blushing. He knew Iruka had no idea of what he had been through and this might come as a shock (apparently) but he still couldn't let go of the fact that he was standing, half naked, in front of the person he loved. Even though he was bruised and marked and his body numb from the hit of the frying pan he found it a bit… exiting. Though he was certain Iruka would never feel the same…

**-**

**oh God where is this going? ;) Kakashis swatter is of and they are alone? XD no it might be the wrong time to think such thoughts... or is it? ;)**

**next: how does Iruka react to what he sees..? Is he still strong enough to tell Kakashi what he wanted to tell him from the beginning or..? will he d something else..?**

**and Kakashi, has he realised what he feels for this boy..? is he in love...? and what will he do about it? ;) find out soon! (L)**

**thank you for all the reviews!! keep up the good work!**

**:D see ya soooon :D  
**


	14. kiss

**Oh God, oh God! I've had so much to do lately and I've just not had the time to write! I'm so sorry x'3**

**I'll make it up to you and post more this weekend or in the beginning of this week ne? :D**

**This is one of the absolute last chapters you guys :'3 I don't know yet if there is going to be one or maybe two more :') It's been sooooo grate writing this and getting all the good response and I really hope you'd like to hear more of my stories? ;) please tell me if that is the case ;P**

**well any way ^^ this is the 15:nth chapter and well... hehe :) I wrote most of it while sitting on a train actually Oo hope you like it ^^ and that you're looking forward to reading the last chapie too :') feels a bit sad though I most admit **

**enjoy!! :D**

**-  
**

Irukas voice launched in his throat and he almost lost his breath. The slimmed body in front of him was marked with bruises, cuts and scars. His ribs were violet – blue and just the sight of those marks made Iruka shiver with fear. What had happened to him?! Had his mother done all this..?! All anger and shame let go of him in an instant as he saw the sadness expressed in Kakashis face and all he wanted to do was hold and comfort him. He understood now why Kakashi hadn't told him, why he head kept it to himself all this time…

"Kakashi…" he whispered, struggling to get the words out right. "I… I didn't know…"

Kakashi lowered his face, the pressure on the back of his eyes were so intense that the tears were already escaping. He was weak crying like this... But there was no way he could hold them back now that Iruka knew...

"How could you've known..?" he answered and sighed. "No one was ever supposed to know…"

"Why not..?" Iruka looked up at his face, his hands wanting desperately to touch that smooth, bruised skin but he didn't dare too, didn't want to make Kakashi even angrier.

"I don't want be a bother to any one…" Kakashi answered and immediately Iruka felt tears rushing up to his eyes. Kakashi was the same as him..! Not that Irukas parents had ever beaten him but they both felt the same way..! Iruka had always felt like that... He had had no idea that Kakashi... was the same... He needed to tell him, he needed to tell Kakashi that he felt like that too..! But the words… the words were stuck inside and he couldn't… There was nothing he could say to make up for the words he had been so desperate to speak._'Please…'_ he thought and bit his lips as he saw those blue marks. _'Please let me tell him… just him…'_

"Kakashi I…"

"Look… you don't need to say any thing" Kakashi interrupted and met his eyes again. "I overreacted because I thought stepmother would kill you and I'm just happy I got there in time…"

Iruka felt his heart sink in his chest. He hadn't said it when he had the chants and now it was too late. He was too scared to tell him still and he would always be. The feelings he felt were bubbling inside him but there was no way that he could tell Kakashi... He knew that now. Kakashi had interrupted him and now he was certain that it was just not meant to be...

"…I was in chock and I'm sorry I yelled" Kakashi continued and Iruka bit his lip. "The thing is… I really care about you and I would kill myself if I was the one making you to feel bad…"

Iruka felt the tears falling. He wanted it to mean what it sounded like but he knew Kakashi would never feel like that… Kakashi was in love with Obito...right?

"…Why did you come here stupid?" Kakashi asked in an easier way almost like he wanted to lighten up the mood, even smiling a bit.

Iruka bit his lip hard and closed his eyes. He was ashamed but couldn't really figure out why. He hadn't wanted to cause trouble he just wanted to help. He had been worried and Kakashi had just proved that his suspicions were correct. Still the only thing he could think of was how he wanted him so badly, how he just wanted to be held by Kakashis strong arms again... Be withhim.

"Cause…" He sighed. "Cause I was worried about you…. Baka…"

Kakashi smiled a bit, then turned and silently put the book back in the drawer. He was out of words even though there were so much that he wanted to say. Looking back at Iruka he thought that what if he had just told him sooner... About how much he wanted him and craved him... But it was all to late now. Iruka had of course read it all in the diary and now he was disgusted with the very fact that Kakashi was in love with him. He knew it... he could read it all over Irukas face..._ '____Damn..'_

"Kakashi" Iruka suddenly said and brought him back to reality. "I'm sorry that I came here and caused trouble... and I'm sorry that I..." He was looking at Kakashis head but didn't finish that sentence.

"Iruka... It's okay..." Kakashi answered, walking a bit closer. "I understand you just wanted to help me and all... Just don't read it again ne?"

Iruka looked up and Kakashi shivered. There was no disgust written in Irukas face like he had imagined. In stead the boy looked sad, almost like he wanted to say something but he could not find the words at all.

"Kakashi I...!" The tears were breaking free from the boys eyes and Kakashi felt his heart skip a beat as he felt the pain from seeing that. "I really just wanted to see you! I thought you weren't coming back and I just...! I'm sorry!"

"Look Iruka" Kakashi smiled and scratched his neck. "You can just forget about the whole thing... I'll be fine and I'll manage as long as you..."

_(Now remember that Kakashi had written about loving Iruka but Iruka never got the time to read that part. Kakashi however doesn't know about that so he thinks Iruka knows it all)_

"All I wanted was to be with you!" The brown haired one cried and met his eyes with his intense ones. "There is no way I'm going to just turn my back and forget about it! I want to help... in any way I can! So don't tell me to crawl away with my tail between my legs cause that's not me any more..!"

He was breathing heavily and as he saw the surprise in Kakashis face he decided in the spare of the moment. He wasn't going to hide any more. If he wanted something he should take it right? And this might be the last chance he would ever get so why not take it? Kakashi was standing there half naked in from of him, what had de got to lose?

Kakashis mind was turned upside down by what happened the following second. Iruka was crying but there was something in the boys face and eyes that had changed. He looked like he had decided something and Kakashi had no time to read his face before the boy moved.

Smooth hands were placed at each side of Kakashis face, the was mask still on but he could feel the warmth of Irukas slender fingers through the fabric. Iruka didn't let his gaze go for one second and it all went so quickly that Kakashi hadn't noticed even if he did.

"Iruka wha..?"

Warm, soft lips were pressed against the blue fabric over Kakashis lips, making him quiet in a flash. The smoothness of those lips were making his head spin even though his own lips and his weren't even touching for real... Kakashi closed his eyes as his body relaxed. His mussels had stopped pounding and all he could feel was his heart and the sensational feeling of Irukas lips pressed ever so gently against his own.

His hands moved on their own without him realizing and smoothly they crawled around Irukas slender back, pulling him closer to his torso, wanting more of him.

Iruka was chocked. He never thought Kakashi would react like this and still it felt so natural. The soft fabric under his lips were moving, almost like Kakashi was kissing him back and as Iruka felt those arms around his waist he just wanted to faint. He had done it and now he was standing there, wrapped in Kakashis strong arms even though he had never known it to be possible.

Their hearts were pounding loudly, almost like they wanted to break out of their chests. Kakashi couldn't stop his hands from wanting to touch every inch of Irukas trembling body and Iruka felt the tingling sensation move somewhere below his stomach. _'____God'_ he thought even though all thoughts soon would be completely gone from his head.___'This is insane..!'_

A sudden bang from downstairs mad them both jump and Kakashi broke the kiss immediately. Iruka felt disappointed but there was something in Kakashis face that made him quiet before he even had time to think about speaking.

"Ayako!! Where are you!?!" came a horrifyingly angry voice from downstairs and Iruka looked scared at the door.

Kakashi acted fast, almost without thinking about it at all. Quickly he locked the door, hid all the papers on the desk and grabbed Iruka, not to hard, by the arm.

"Come on" he whispered and led him towards the only window. "You need to get out of here now!"

"Eh?" Iruka looked out the window and down at the street below. It was only the second floor but there was no way he would jump from up here. If he did he would break all his bones and it would

be the end of him.

"Kakashi-san I can't..." he whispered but Kakashi just grabbed him by the hand and looked deeply into his eyes.

"Yes you can" he smiled. "I trust in you that you can..."

In just a couple of seconds they were out on the roof and Iruka grabbed onto the other ones strong body, looking down realizing how much he hated heights. He couldn't do this, no chance. Even though he was supposed to be a ninja he surely didn't feel like one now!

"Kakashi..!" he wined but the white haired one just smiled.

"You'll not be going alone"

The door inside was being ill-treated by harsh fists and Kakashi gripped Irukas waist harder, pulling him closer. "Come on" he smirked even though he was a bit scared of the monster inside. "Don't be so tensed up all the time! You kissed me just a minute ago didn't you?"

Iruka felt how he blushed more than he had ever done in his entire life but he couldn't really escape the fact that Kakashi was right.

"Show me some of that gut again Iruka" Kakashi smiled and met his eyes, Iruka melted. He wanted to be brave for Kakashis sake and he was going to be. If they had to jump then they had to jump it was just as simple as that... kind of.

Kakashi smiled even more as Iruka gripped his shirt in response. The words he had written earlier re-entered his mind and he sighed almost content. This was it..!

___-_

___For Rin, Obito, Minato;_

___I love him more than I can know myself_

___but he might not feel like me_

___even so I want him to know_

___I want him to know where my heart lies_

___please stay with me just a little longer Rin,_

___I need your support_

___please stay with me just a bit longer Obito,_

___I need your comfort_

___please stay with me just a bit longer Minato,_

___you are like a father too me, and I'll always protect Him... you know I will_

___I love you_

___Rin_

___Obito_

___Minato_

___always and always_

___God bye_

___-_

"Ah! Are you trying to kill me for real??" Iruka squealed when they jumped down a stair in one big jump, Iruka flying after Kakashi like a glove. The white haired one just laughed and kept running. He knew his stepfather might come after them when he learned that Kakashi had had a guest at home and he had no intention of getting caught. Iruka was holding his hand hard and he felt the butterflies flutter in his stomach again. He had kissed him, Iruka had kissed him..!! Oh happy day!!

"Kakashi!" Iruka called and caught up to him. "Where exactly are we going..?"

"I don't know" came the answer and Iruka sighed as he saw the mischievous smile on Kakashis face.

"Oh come on we need some where to go don't we..?!" He grabbed Kakashis hand again, feeling the warmth flow over to his own even though the cold was making his fingers blue. Was this happiness...? Running beside Kakashi in a blizzard feeling nothing but warmth inside..?

"In here" Kakashi said suddenly and pulled Iruka in behind and old shed near the school. His arm dragged him in behind it where there were bushes to protect them from the freezing wind. Kakashis fingers were cold when they reached for Irukas waist were the swatter had revealed his skin. Iruka shivered but came closer to be able to hide better. Their breaths made clouds of steam that were mixed together by the soft winds now stroking their cheeks. Iruka didn't feel the cold as he looked into Kakashis eyes, nor was he scared what might happen. He didn't even think about it.

"Iruka..."

Kakashis voice was so soft and warm, his movements so perfect and smooth it made Irukas mind twirl. The fingers were cold but made cascades of pleasure run down his spine as they touched Irukas bare skin under the swatter. They searched for his warmth and he gave it willingly, feeling the smooth fingertips run over his sensitive abdomen.

"Kakashi.." He whispered and felt how his body was reacting. There was some thing about standing out here in the cold behind this shed that made this so right but yet so wrong. He didn't want it to stop, oh God no, but he knew that the longer they stood there the colder it would get and none of them were dressed for outside weather since none of them were even wearing shoos.

Kakashis fingers were eager but smooth. They touched him like no other and Iruka felt like there was no one in this world happier than him right now. But there were a thought crawling up in the back of his mind no matter how hard he tried to push it away. He and Kakashi hardly knew each other and he had now idea how Kakashi would react if he told him... But he needed to. All this had gone all to quickly and now... Oh God...!

**-**

**well things do tend to happen quickly around these boys I most say ^^ Well it's good that they got away and all... even though they are in grate risk of catching a cold ._.' **

**But what will happen when Iruka finally tells Kakashi about his situation with his home...? How will Kakashi react and what did he really mean with _"__I'll always protect Him... you know I will" _You'll find out soon if you keep up the good work reading and reviewing! :D**

**see ya soon :D  
**


	15. desire and hate

**well take it easy people ^^ here is next chapter but it is not the last one ^^ there is definitely going to be a 16:nth one and I look forward to writing that this week before school starts again ^^ **

**I hope you enjoy this one too and that it is to your liking in many ways ^^ me myself think it's cute but that they are morons staying outside in the snow that late Oo well... they are just as weird as me I guess XD **

**enjoy**

**-  
**

"Kakashi..." Iruka whispered and took both Kakashis cold hands in his own.

"Yes Iruka?" the other one smiled and gripped his hands back. "Are you cold..?"

Iruka smiled too and bit his lip, not knowing exactly what to say yet. "No I'll be okay for a while... Can we walk some where..? The storm is over..."

Kakashi looked surprised but nodded and led Iruka out from the tight bushes and silently they started walking over the cold, snowy school yard. It was almost ghostly beautiful to walk there in the dark when it was all covered in snow with no footprints. Iruka smiled and led Kakashi through the snow even though it was burning with cold over his feat.

"You remember me telling you about my parents?" he asked as he and Kakashi had reached the benches in one end of the yard where there was less now.

"Yes of course I do" Kakashi answered and Iruka could feel how the white haired one was watching his back. "Why..?"

"Well..." Iruka started writing with his cold toes in the snow, trying to avoid Kakashis eyes not to obviously. "I was offered a room in one of the inexpensive apartment buildings by the Hokage after my parents died..."

Kakashi was listening, almost dreading what was coming next. He had been suspecting it though he had never asked. He had waited for Iruka to tell him himself when he felt ready and when he had heard about Irukas parents he had become sure...

"The Hokage always had faith in me" Iruka continued and sighed ones again. "Even though I always made a total mess at lessons... I never did anything right and still he trusted me to keep the job he offered so that I could pay the rent..."

Iruka was now walking again and Kakashi followed. The brown haired one wasn't looking up, nor did he talk that loud so Kakashi had to walk real close to be able to hear this whispers of regret and guilt.

"But it was too much for me to handle..." the boy said and sighed again as tears came rolling down his flushed cheeks. "I lost the job because I just messed up and before I knew it I was thrown out on the streets... I had no were to go... and I didn't dare go to the Hokage ether cause he would have been so disappointed in me..."

He fell silent and Kakashis heart sand fast in his chest. So it was true... That Iruka had no home to go to and no roof over his head even on cold nights as these..? He had been fearing it, seeing how dirty the boys clothes had been from time to time and hearing him caught as the weather became colder. The sleeping problems had scared him too even though Iruka was a teen and had to sleep a lot he never slept.. not even on weekends, especially not on weekends. He had come to school on Mondays fallen asleep the first thing he did and now it all was clear. Even when Kakashi had seen him in town Iruka had looked almost scared at the sight of him.

"So I stayed on the streets..." Iruka continued and his voice was shaking. "It was summer and I thought I'd be okay you know... I would get a new job and then I could get the room back... but no one in their right mind would hire a sixteen year old boy I guess..."

They had reached the end of the school yard and the high trees were growing tall and dark in front of them. The chilly winds made Kakashi feel like an icicle and his fingers were turning white but he didn't care. Iruka had been sleeping outside in this kind of weather... He had to bare with it too! Softly he walked closer to the shaking boy in front of him, arms crawling up around his slender waist, pulling him closer to try to give him as much warmth as he could.

"Iruka..." he whispered and he immediately felt how the boy relaxed a bit. "If that is the case the Hokage should know by now any way... If you want I can come with you and we can go there..?"

Iruka smiled melancholicly and turned to face Kakashi with his soft smile.

"No not now" he whispered and the words almost disappeared with the wind. "I still don't have the courage to face him like that... even if he already knows"

"Then I'll stand by your side no matter how long it takes" Kakashi smiled back and pulled him even closer, feeling Irukas chest against his own, almost certain he could feel the boys heartbeat.

Iruka felt all warmth from Kakashi flow into his own body and he knew he was blushing even though he was cold to the bones. Kakashi wasn't mad at him for not telling earlier..? he wasn't disgusted by the fact that he had kissed a homeless guy..? They were standing so close together that he felt every curve of Kakashis torso and he felt as though he had never been alive for real until this moment.

"Kakashi.." he said and even though his voice was weak Kakashi could hear every word as clearly as if he had been talking normally. "Don't you find me disgusting..?"

Kakashi met his eyes, looking straight into those dark beautiful eyes. How could he ever think Iruka was disgusting..? He was perfect in every way and his gorgeous features looked so stunning in the light from the dim lamp that Kakashi could hardly speak.

"No" he whispered and bent closer to Irukas tempting lips even though he knew he wouldn't be able to touch them. "You are beautiful Iruka"

The fabric of his mask touched Irukas soft lips and both of them blushed even though is was impossible to see. Irukas lips moved, his tongue so desperately wanted to go further but he knew it wasn't the time for then now, still his entire body, no matter how cold he was, wanted Kakashi so badly at that moment that he was already reacting. He felt a bit ashamed about it though... This all had gone so fast and he had wanted this so badly... What if Kakashi wasn't as serious as he was? Then what would happen when Kakashi found out about his...desire?

Kakashis fingers were moving downwards and suddenly Iruka realized that.___'Oh God!'_His mind made a flip and his breath quickened in a second.___'He is touching me...God I want to..!'_Even though he hardly knew what he was thinking he had a little feeling in his stomach that this "touching" was some how a proof that Kakashi wanted it too... right?

"Kakashi..." he whined and bit his lip. He was freezing but he didn't really care, as long as Kakashi was there with him. He didn't care if they had to stay out all night or if they could never go back and fetch their thinks at Kakashis house, as long as he got to touch Kakashi for just a little longer. He didn't care if they had to stay out on the streets for ever or if they had to go see the Hokage, as long as he had Kakashi by his side.

But the cold was so unbearable that Kakashi could hardly move his fingers and as he reached to touch Irukas waist his fingertips caressed the boys bare skin and he squealed.

"I'm sorry" He hurried to drag his fingers out not to get him even colder. "Maybe we should... get going..?"

It was so cold Irukas fingers were turning blue and even though he didn't want it to stop he nodded. They still had no idea where to go. Iruka though suggested that they should go to Teuchi and his family and Kakashi agreed. That was their best alternative and he knew that Teuchis whole family was goodhearted and would welcome them in. They started to make their way down the street, trying to ignore the fact that their feet were cold as hell and that there was almost half an hour walk to Ichiraku Ramen shop.

They were both hungry and Kakashi had started to feel the pain from his wounded body again even though the cold was making his body numb in other ways. He was bleeding from a wound in his back and he felt the blood twirl down his spine, slowly getting colder and colder the further down it came. He wasn't scared about it though, since he had done this before and he was looking forward to eating some ramen when they finally reached the shop but Iruka had noticed and he wouldn't stop worrying.

"Are you sure you are gonna be okay?" he asked for at least the seventh time and Kakashi smiled, feeling happy in a way that Iruka cared so much.

"Yes I'm sure" He assured and grabbed Irukas hand to the boys surprise."I've lived worse"

Iruka nodded silently and they kept walking, hand in hand, down the empty streets. It was calm now and the snow was yet untouched, though Iruka didn't really care he just wanted to be able to feel his toes again.

"So... your mum did that to you..?" he asked as they entered one of the more lit streets. "I mean... beating you and all..."

"No..." Kakashi pressed his hadn't a bit, trying to make Iruka relax a bit. They were talking now, about things they both had never told any one and for some reason he actually felt comfortable telling Iruka this, more comfortable that he ever though it would be. "No it has always been my stepfather..."

Iruka met his eyes, almost in chock. Kakashi smiled a bit even though his stomach was cramping. He understood if this was hard for someone to take in, especially someone that had had a perfect family and that had no idea that this actually happened behind some doors.

"My stepfather has a real temper... and my stepmother is mentally challenged because of him..." Kakashi continued, stroking Irukas inner wrist gently with his thumb. "She was a really grate stepmother in the beginning... really doing everything for me but the more she was with him the more she... went into herself"

Iruka listened in silence. He wasn't sure what to say and even though he had been wanting to know this started to scare him a bit. Why hadn't Kakashi gone talking to the Hokage about it..?

"He started raping her after they finally got married and well... she lost all sense of time after that. She thought that I was still a child and all... it was scary... And when she was out of it he started beating and raping me instead... every night"

"Why didn't you go to the Hokage and tell him about it?" Iruka asked and felt how tears were reaching his eyes. Kakashi could have gotten help long ago with this... Then he wouldn't have had to suffer that much.

"The same reason as you Iruka" Kakashi stopped outside one of the lit stores and looked at him with his smooth gaze. "The Hokage had faith in me since I was so good in school and I was the subordinate of the fourth Hokage and everything... They all trusted me to be able to take care of my self since there were so many suffering from the war and all..."

"Yeah but still... You are being violated and abused Kakashi!"

"Yes but... who knows... If Minato hadn't died while fighting the Kyuubi things might have turned out differently cause he knew about it. I just couldn't work up the courage to tell any one because I didn't want to drag any one else into my misery...didn't want to trouble any one..."

"Well you can't take it all your self can you?" Iruka pulled his hand, making him walk again since they both were freezing. "You can't blame your self when you haven't done any thing wrong!"

"Then who should I blame" Kakashi smiled. He had been through this discussion over and over in his mind and there was no one he could blame. His stepfather was an alcoholic and he needed help for that, his stepmother was mentally ill and she needed help too. He couldn't blame ether one of them and nor could he blame the Hokage. So who else than himself...?

"Blame the Kyuubi!" Iruka spat. "I do! He is the one who made this war a hell for everyone! He is the one to blame for destroying Konoha and killing everyone! Killing the fourth Hokage..! Killing my parents...!" He grew quiet as the tears launched in his throat, making the words stuck there. Kakashi could see he was in pain still over his parents death, and he understood that. Iruka hadn't had the kind of good friends to support him that Kakashi had had and now he really just needed a shoulder to cry on.

"Iruka" he whispered and pulled the brown haired close to his chest again. "I'm here for you now you know that... even if we are out on the streets or inside I'll always be here for you so don't worry any more..."

Iruka felt the hot tears stream down his cold cheeks. Why was he crying? He had accepted the loss of his family long ago but talking about them like this made him feel so vulnerable in front of Kakashis safe eyes. He detested that Kyuubi who had destroyed the lives of so many people and the only thing he wanted was to make the life a hell for that boy who had the Kyuubi inside..! How could they have sealed that thing in stead of killing it?! What if it came out again!? He was so scared and he hadn't even realised it until now...

"Kakashi...I'm scared" he whispered as his tears kept falling. "What if the war starts again...? What if you get killed too..!"

"Ssh ssh Iruka" Kakashi planted a soft, masked, kiss on Irukas forehead and smiled tenderly. "I won't die even if the Kyuubi comes back or the war breaks out again... I won't leave you Iruka... I promise"

Iruka looked up with tear filled eyes. He was beautiful even when crying and Kakashi smiled even more. He would never fail him, he had no intention of ever failing him and he needed Iruka to know that. Had he really read all that he had written in his diary? Kakashi had started to doubt that. Iruka didn't seem to have known about his feelings.... Well then now he had the opportunity to tell him himself. But after they reached the shop, they were both dying with cold.

**-**

**We all Narutards know who this "Kyuubi-kid" is right? Well... poor Iruka ne? He is a bit sad and we can understand a bit right but.. I think Kakashi has some cards left to play ;) **

**What will happen when they get to the shop? Will they get to go inside or is it already to late? and what will happen the same night..? Between Iruka and Kakashi I mean ;) find out soon ;)**

**see ya!**

**Oh and thanks so much for all the reviews!! love ya all (L)  
**


	16. real kiss

**hehe ones again, I can't really let this story go just yet so this isn't the last chapter ether x3 There is one more coming up since this one would be endless if this would have been the last xD**

**well any way ^^ **

**enjoy :D**

**-  
**

As they reached the street were the Ramen shop was located Kakashi looked around for any sign of people but the side walks were empty and no sound was heard. His biggest fear right now wasn't that his stepfather would come after them, it was that the shop might not even be open in this dreadful weather.

"Come on" He said and pressed Irukas ice-cold fingers in his hand. "We'll be there soon"

Iruka had grown quiet after crying and Kakashi was even more worried now than before. The boy wasn't even looking up and he was worried that Iruka couldn't handle more of the cold. He looked down at Irukas fingers and saw the vague blue colour that had spread over his fingers. This was really not good at all!

They kept going along the snowy pavement and soon they reached the shop that was always lit, that was no guarantee though since the shop was lit even though it was closed. He hurried to the disk, seeing to his consternation he saw the metallic bars that had already been closed over the counter... The shop was closed.

"Iruka listen" he said as he came out again to take the boys hand. "Teuchi isn't here... we need to go somewhere else..."  
Iruka looked up for the first time in half an hour, eyes filled with pain and fright. He was so cold his lips were shaking and Kakashi had started regretting them running away a long time ago. The thing was that it had felt so good running with him because Kakashi had felt that he could do any thing as long as Iruka was by his side... Now he didn't even know if Iruka would manage even this night out. Oh God he was so scared he had no idea what to do any more.

"Kakashi" Iruka whispered and grabbed the front of his shirt. "I'm too cold...I can even feel mu fingers any more..."

Kakashi pulled him close, backing up against the bar disk where there was light and jumped up on a chair with the shaking boy in his lap. At least they wouldn't have to stand on the cold ground if they just stayed here... Then there might be a way to... make this...

-

"Iruka-kun... wake up..."

The smooth voice was whispering those soft words but Iruka had no intention of waking up yet. It was warm where he was, like the snow and the cold were no where to be seen. He didn't want to go back to that place... Why couldn't he just stay here where he wasn't cold or sad any more? It was like heaven lying there in the warmth, white light around and smelling the soft smells of... noodles..?

"Iruka-kun... " the voice whispered again and Iruka wiggled his nose.

Was it really noodles he was smelling? Could it be morning already? Something told him it was time to wake up but still he kept his eyes shut. It was still warm and soft around him and he sighed.___'Grate... now I'm paralysed as well...' _What other explanation was there to him not feeling the cold snowy air that had to be around him. Maybe the reason that he didn't open his eyes was that he really couldn't do it..?

"Iruka-kun I need you to wake up for me..." the soft voice whispered ones again and this time he didn't want to keep sleeping. He wanted to know if he was alive or not at least... Slowly he opened his eyes and blinked to be able to see anything.

To his surprise the warmth was still there and the soft feeling of fabric brushed against his warm cheeks. There was a delicious smell of food in the air and his stomach made sounds of longing as e smelled it. His eyes were dry and he had to blink a lot of times trying to get them to function but about now he had realized that he wasn't even outside any more.

"Oh finally" the girl in front of him smiled and sat up straight. "I was starting to wonder if you were ever going to wake up"

Iruka knew her voice from somewhere and when his eyes finally worked he looked up into the tender face of Ayame, Teuchis daughter. He had to rub them a couple of times to be sure he wasn't in heaven still.

"How... did I get here?" he asked and felt that his throat was sore.

She smiled and gave him a glass of water as he looked around the room. He was lying on the same bed as last time and the bed was stuffed with pillows and a thick blanket. The room was new however and there was a second bed next to his, though that one was empty.

"Well my dad was closing the Ramen shop and he found you and Kakashi-kun outside in the snow... so he brought you here and you've been spending the nigh..." she answered and smiled even wider. "Kakashi is downstairs since mother made him eat something instead of just sitting here by your side all the time"

"Has he been sitting by my side... all the time..?" Iruka asked, feeling his cheeks turning read with happiness.

"Yes from what I know.." she said with a twinkle in he eye. "...he didn't sleep at all"

Iruka felt a bubbling feeling in his stomach as he heard her say it. Well it could be that he was hungrier than he had been in years but he felt happy thinking about the image of Kakashi sitting there with him.

She smiled wider as she saw his happy face and then stood up. "I think he is still really worried though so we should be going downstairs to make that stomach of yours happy too"

He blushed deeper and nodded as his stomach screamed for food. His fingers were even shaking a little from lack of energy and she had to help him up since he discovered his feet were hurting like hell when he tried sporting his weight on them.

The house was warm and the carpets under his feet's felt soft and comfy. He let Ayame half carry him as they made their way down the stairs and into the kitchen where the rest of the family sat eating dinner together with Kakashi.

"Hi every one" She said with happy voice and they all looked up. "Look what I brought to the party!"

Kakashi was up on his legs in two red seconds and pulled Iruka close, longing for that warm body and his sweet scent. Iruka smiled and hugged him back, his head spinning with suppressed desire. He could feel Kakashis soft breath against his neck and he closed his eyes, biting his lip softly.

"I'm okay Kakashi" he whispered in the other ones ear. "I..."

The white one hugged him harder, their hearts beating in the same rhythm now. Kakashi was so relieved that he could have just told Iruka he loved him right there in front of everyone, but he felt the tears behind his eyes and he feared they would brake free if he said anything.

"Now come eat something Iruka-chan" Teuchis wife, Maria, smiled and Ayame fetched him a chair. Teuchi had made noodles for them all and since it was pretty late (Iruka had been sleeping for one night and almost one whole day) they all would say good night after the delicious dinner.

Kakashi couldn't remember the last time he had fun around the dinner table and even though he wasn't eating together with the others he still felt like he was being accepted in the conversation. Ass the meal was over Maria brought the boys back up to their room and tucked them in for the night. Irukas feel still hurt but not as much as before and when he was finally lying under the blankets the pain slowly started disappearing.

"I hope you boys can sleep tonight even though you have already slept" she smiled and left the room, stopping and turning in the doorway. "If there is anything, mine and Teuchis room is right down the hall"

"Ah thank you Maria-san" Kakashi smiled and Iruka nodded. "God night"

As the room fell dark by the closing of the door, Iruka crawled further down under the blankets, feeling his face blush ones again. Kakashis scent was lingering in the air, so delicious that he couldn't help almost drowning in it. He wanted to crawl down beside him instead, feel his slender chest under his fingers and wrap himself in those strong arms again. Kakashi though seemed to already be asleep and Iruka bit his lip hard not to start crying.

"Are you awake..?" Kakashi suddenly whispered and Iruka came out from the bundle he had made of the blanket.

"Yeah... I though you were sleeping..." He answered and sat up in the dark, tying to figure out where Kakashis face was.

"How could I sleep when you're so close and yet so far away form me" His words were only whispers but they were so powerful Iruka got goosebumps all over his body and something started moving under his stomach.

"C-Can I sleep by your side than.." He asked with shaking voice and he could almost hear Kakashis smile. Then the sound of blankets was heard and Kakashis cool hand pulled him up atop himself. Iruka drew a quick breath as he landed on Kakashis stomach and felt the warm body move underneath his own. He was reacting to Kakashis touches and his voice and it was embarrassing how fast he was getting hard from it. He usually took time to get hard but now it was like all his worries were gone with Kakashis heat.

"You okay?" Kakashi asked as he stroke Irukas slender cheek, making their eyes meet.

"Y-yes.." Iruka said but his voice wasn't strong enough to be more than a whisper. He wanted so badly just to rip that mask of and this was the first time in a while that he had been thinking that. Kakashi looked into his eyes with such intensity that he was almost melting with desire...

Kakashis fingers were softly stroking down his neck, over his arm and down over his smooth waist giving Iruka goosebumps ones again. His fingers skilfully moved in under the edge of Irukas sleeping T-shirt and stroked up over his bare chest, sending jolts of extacy through his entire body.

_'Oh please have me'_Iruka thought almost desperately as his own hands moved over Kakashis body, following every curve with his slender fingertips, then up over his neck and the edge of the ebony mask covering Kakashis nose and lips...

"What do you want Iruka...?" Kakashi asked with the most seductive voice Iruka had ever heard in his entire life and he stopped his movements. He wanted it, yes, but he still didn't wan to pressure Kakashi to it...

"Iruka... I want to hear you say it" he whispered and this time it got too much. Iruka couldn't stand the building pressure inside his pants and even though he was still a virgin he just wanted Kakashi to take him, whether it would hurt or not. For the first time in his life he wasn't scared..!

"I...I want to kiss your lips" he whispered and met Kakashis dark gaze with his own. He could feel the other boys desire burn through his eyes and he blushed in the darkness.

"Then kiss me..."

Irukas fingers were shaking as he stroked Kakashis slender cheek. His fingertips slide softly in under the edge of the fabric and he bit his lip. Kakashi wasn't moving away, nor did he tell him to stop. The white haired ones hands were softly stroking his waist, making Irukas hands tremble even more.

"Are you sure..?" Iruka asked breathlessly.

"I've never been more sure in my life"

The fabric was pulled down by those shaking fingertips and as the soft air touched Kakashis lips a soft piece of moonlight fell over the handsome face in front of Iruka. He couldn't close his mouth as he saw those gorgeous lips and that perfect nose... Why the fuck had he been hiding that?!

Kakashi blushed and he couldn't hide it any more. Iruka was staring for a couple of seconds and for a moment Kakashi regretted showing his face. What if he really didn't like what he saw..? What if he was...

"You are gorgeous Kakashi..."

The words were as quiet as a whisper but to Kakashi they would always stay strong in his memory. He looked into that beautiful face of the one he wanted more than any thing. This was what he had wanted for so long but he had been scared of it too. Now it all let go of him... all fright and all stomach ache.

"Iruka..."

The brown haired moved closer, even his lips shaking now. Kakashi moved his head closer too, their lips slightly touching, breaths mixing together for real for the first time. The thrill made Irukas head spin and Kakashi didn't care what his hands were doing.

Their lips touched so gently it gave them both more goosebumps than ever before and Iruka felt his lips tingling as the taste of Kakashi came to him for the fist time. It was the most thrilling experience of his life and he just wanted more. Kakashis lips parted suddenly and Iruka felt the incredible urge for more as he let the other ones tongue enter his own mouth.

Kakashis tongue explored Irukas slowly as they met, bodies now tight together and hands eagerly stroking bare skin. The night was young and even though Kakashi was tired he didn't care about anything else than the soft body atop him.

"Iruka..." he whispered in the boys ear as they broke the kiss in need for air.

"Yes...Kakashi..?" the boy answered almost moaning out the words as Kakashi wrapped his slender fingers around Irukas hardened pants.

"I..." Kakashi knew it was early and he knew he was crazy. He was as crazy as he had never been before, crazy in love. He couldn't help himself and he needed Iruka to know..! This wasn't a crush, this was real... yes they were only teenagers and they had only known each other for a term or so... but Kakashi couldn't hide it even to himself any more...

"I love you... Iruka"

-

**Oh... kya! :D happy day!**

**but what will happen next? What is Iruka really feeling and why does Kakashi suddenly wanna take a walk to the playground? hmmm... tricky times are still ahead of these boys... -sigh- **

**keep reviewng my friends :D love ya!**


	17. yours truly

**well... here it is guys :/ the last one... I hope you like it and that you're not mad with me that I'll stop writing it :/ **

**I feel sorry that I have to stop actually but as you all know, even the fun has to end some times ^^'**

**so enjoy this extra long last chapter now you guys, you deserve it since you've been such good reviewers! :')**

**this is where it all unfolds!**

**hope I'll see you in some other story :D **

**so for the last time:**

**enjoy!**

**-  
**

_Konoha 1991_

"Come one hurry Iruka"

"Yeah yeah I'm coming"

Iruka hurried and finally caught up to Kakashi as they hurried to catch the bus. He had no idea where they were going but for some reason he had agreed to follow this mad boy all the way through town.

"Come one tell me where we're going Kakashi" he begged but the other one just smirked and turned to him as they were on the bus, pulling him close to his chest.

"No, you'll have to wait pretty boy"

Irukas heart raised as he felt Kakashis slim torso pressed against his own and he felt how he was blushing slightly. He was still not used to being openly close to Kakashi and where ever they went people were staring as soon as they took each others hands. He bit his lip, looking up into that face he adored and he couldn't help smiling even though Kakashi was being really annoying.

Kakashis earlier words were ringing in his head and Iruka blushed even loved him and he wanted him. That had been two weeks ago but still Iruka hadn't the courage to say it too. He felt bad towards Kakashi for it, and he really wanted to tell him about his feelings too but it was such a big step and he just... couldn't right now...

A lot of things had happened too and Iruka wasn't sure how Kakashi would react if he said something that settling. Kakashis stepmother had agreed to get help and his father was banned from being any where near the boys or her ever again. Kakashi had spoken to the Hokage but Iruka still hadn't got the courage. Even so when all that had happened Iruka just felt more and more drawn to the boy beside him... the more time that passed the more he realized; now there was no turning back.

Kakashi looked down at him and smirked ones again, resting his covered up lips against his forehead slightly. Kakashi hadn't pushed him, nor had he asked to be loved back with the same intensity. He seemed to be happy just being together with Iruka and that made the brown haired feel so good inside. 'I love you Kakashi' he thought with a smile. 'I'll say it soon... I promise'

The bus ride only lasted for about ten minutes before Kakashi dragged him off again and they started walking instead. Iruka followed the best he could and tried not to look at everything they passed but it was hard. The Christmas holly days were coming up and a fair had been put up at the big square they were crossing. There were people selling kittens and puppies, others selling food and fabrics. The entire market was tempting but Iruka kept looking at Kakashi since he was more curious where they were going.

After some minutes Kakashi stopped at one of the stands where they sold hot chocolate and candy. Iruka watched as his love bought two cups with chocolate and a little bag of Christmas candy.

"There we go" he said after turning back to Iruka with a big smile. "Now we'll be there soon"

Iruka smiled too, taking the cup that he was being offered, warming his hands on it. He studied Kakashi as the other one drank and smiled even wider. He just couldn't understand how he could drink with his handkerchief so far up over his nose but he did it any way.

They kept going between the stands in a slower pace now than before, hand in hand and Iruka blushing slightly as he buried his face in his own handkerchief. It wasn't really...embarrassing it was just that he was so inexperienced that he couldn't help it.

"About what you told me yesterday.." Kakashi broke the silence. "About the Kyuubi..."

Iruka nodded and thought about it for a bit. He and Kakashi had stayed up till late talking about a lot of stuff. He had felt so comfortable talking to him about everything and nothing that he had told Kakashi about almost all his emotions, except those deep ones buried within his heart. He had spoken of his parents, what he remembered and what he missed. Talked about why he had the scar over his nose and why he didn't have any friends. He had even mentioned whet he felt towards the Kyuubi again and Kakashi seemed to be... a bit interested in that particular subject.

"Do you blame the fourth for not killing it..?" he asked and Iruka felt his stomach clenching.

"No, no! I would never blame him" he hurried and pressed Kakashis hand firmly. "He saved us all... I'm just worried that the Kyuubi will be back and... well if that person wasn't alive it would never happen right..?"

"But yesterday" Kakashi continued and smiled a bit towards him. "It sounded almost like you were angry with that person too..?"

"Well..." Iruka felt how he was blushing cause that was the truth. He didn't want to be that kind of person but he couldn't help feeling that hatred bubble inside him. That creature had killed his parents and he had had to endure all this pain because of that animal. He looked around at all the still visible signs of the earlier war and at all the people still suffering. They passed the cemetery and Iruka saw the sad faces of all those who lost their relatives and friends... he didn't even have a grave to go to... since his parents bodies were never found.

"Look it's not like I hate a lot in my life.." he said almost like he wanted to protect himself. "It's just... I can't think clearly when I think about the fact that that lowlife scum is living some where here in Konoha and I just want to.....!!"

"Would you feel better if it was dead..?"

The words sounded different to Iruka than he thought they would and some how he felt a bit at ease with him self. Kakashi was right, that was what he wanted... or at least that an animal like that Kyuubi person should be locked away never to be let out again. How could they let that person walk around on the streets where there were children and innocent ones walking every day?!

To caught up in his thoughts he followed Kakashi without thinking about it and soon they reached the edge of a small playground. Kakashi tightened his grip on Irukas fingers, bringing him softly back to reality, offering him to sit down beside him on one of the benches.

"What do you see Iruka?" he asked as Iruka sat down, still holding his hand.

Iruka looked around, even smiling a bit as he saw all the little children run around, playing and laughing and to him it felt like he had never been able to play like that. The hatred he had felt just a moment ago vanished with those wondersus smiles. They were happy... The same kind of happiness Iruka felt as he looked at Kakashi beside him. His smile widened as he saw a little boy with black spiky hair run over to his mother, laughing happily as his brother poked his forehead. That was the kind of family he had before the war... he hadn't even thought about the fact that it still existed... he had been too selfish... he understood that now.

"I see happiness" he smiled and felt how Kakashi pressed his hand a little more in response. Maybe this what was Kakashi had meant with what he had said the day before when they had been talking.

_'A person isn't defined by what they are... but by the path they chose to take in their lives Iruka...A person can chose misery in front of happiness just because it's the easier path to walk downwards on... but it is the ones that take the harder way that we should stand beside... after all, they are the ones who will build our future'_

Kakashi had said it when Iruka was about to fall asleep and he wasn't even sure that was his correct words but they had still stayed in his mind and he just hadn't been able to tell what they meant. But now as he saw the playing children and felt Kakashis warm fingers round his own he could feel the answer in the very core of his body... these children... it was in them they had to trust now.

They sat there for hours even though the cold made their hands red and their noses started dripping. The children kept playing as the dark grew over the yard and as the time said four parents started parting them softly, going home to eat dinner together in their kitchen or watching a film while eating pop corn. Iruka smiled and bit his lip as he saw the little creatures say good bye to each other, hugging and laughing, some crying though.

"Are you cold?" Kakashi asked even though the answerer was obvious and Iruka just laughed and nodded. Kakashi smiled back and kissed his forehead. "Do you want to go home?"

"No" Iruka smiled and looked back at the little ones that were still playing their games of tag. "I want to stay just a little while longer..."

"Then I'll go by you some more hot chocolate" Kakashi whispered and stood up, smiling down at Iruka that now found himself sitting with his head real close to Kakashis groin. He blushed almost feverishly and bit his lip, he had never been this close to... it before and now even his fingertips started itching.

"Y-yes please" was the only think he could whisper as answer and Kakashi nodded, giving Iruka the little bag with candy while he made his way back to the stands. Iruka watched him walk away with a pure, innocent smile on his lips even though he was checking out Kakashis bottom. He bit his lip ones again, blushing like crazy now. He really was perfect that boy, at least the parts Iruka had seen up until now.

"Hey Kiba!" a mother near by called and her boy looked up from the sand where he had been playing with his friends. "We are going home to eat dinner now honey"

The boy smiled towards his friends and stood up on chubby legs. He wasn't more than about three years maybe and as he stumbled over the ground Iruka laughed a bit. They were to adorable around that age, at least until they became teenagers.

"I'll see you Kiba!" an other brown haired boy waved as the little boy disappeared into his mothers arms and the other boys left in the sandbox waved as well. They were about five boys and beyond them, on the other side of the playground, two girls were sitting, looking at them with curious eyes. They would most probably be the boy's followers some day as fangirls Iruka smirked to himself.

"Sakura-chan, Ino-chan!" another woman called and the girls broke their gaze away from the playing boys. "Come on if you don't want to miss the film!"

"Shikamaru! Time to go home!"

"Choji!"

Iruka pulled his legs to his chest as he watched those kids. They would never know what it felt like to be the only kid left at the playground when all others had gone home to their families... They would never know what it felt like to louse ones parents in the most brutal way... They would never know and even though Iruka was a bit happy for them, he envied them. He had endured so much pain because of that Kyuubi...! But from now on it all would be different, from now on he would keep fighting no matter what! Even though those happy faces still made deep cuts in his heart....

"Come on Choji!" the woman called again. "I've got your favourite chips at home!"

The little, chubby boy immediately stood up and looked at the remaining boy with a little smile before leaving him in the snowy sand. His mother hugged him in her big arms and his father put him up on his shoulders before they started walking away across the street.

Iruka looked back at the little boy in the sand... There were no parents left in sight and the little one just sat there, watching his friends disappear into the darkness of the streets. He was about the same age as the others and still, on a cold night such as this, he was left alone...? The boy stood up, his fingers shaking with cold as he walked out of the sandbox in silence even though Iruka saw how close the boy were to tears.

Iruka looked around ones again but still he saw no parents or others that seemed to keep an eye on the blond little boy and he bit his lip as his heart reached for the boy. He kind of felt responsible right now... being the only one that looked after the little one. So he stood up slowly even though he was so cold he could have frozen to an ice cream.

"Hey there" he smiled and walked a bit closed, kneeling on the ground not to far from the boy. "Why are you here all alone..?"

The boy looked up with a big smile at him but Iruka was some how sure that smile was faked. The tears were still showing in those sky blue eyes and Iruka felt how his heart ached with the little one as he saw him struggling not to let them fall.

"Have you lost your parents?" he asked and smiled softly, trying not to look to creepy. But as the boy shook his head Iruka started to wonder if this boy was really just alone for the moment or... if he actually didn't have any home...just like he had...

"Where are they then..?" he smiled still and took the little boys hand.

"I have no parents.." the little one smiled back and Iruka felt a sting of pain surge through his heart. So that's why...

"Iruka..?" Kakashi came around the corner and Iruka stood up since it could seem suspicious for him to be standing like that in front of a little one. Kakashi however just smiled and waved to the boy. "And hi there"

The little boy smiled even wider and as Kakashi offered him some of the candy, Iruka watched them in silence. There was something different in the way Kakashi was behaving against this one... even though he claimed to hate children it seemed that this was an exception. The boy looked rather comfortable with Kakashi two and the more Iruka watched them, the more he started wondering.

"Well run of then you little fool" Kakashi smiled and ruffled his blond locks. "I promise I'll come by some day!"

"Hai Kakashi!"

Iruka smiled and the boy waved to them both as he ran towards some of the houses near by. His little chubby legs were amazingly fast and he didn't even fall ones. Iruka took Kakashis hand softly and pressed his cold fingers.

"Do you still feel like making a hell out of the one who carries the Kyuubi..?" Kakashi asked out of the blue when the little one had disappeared from their sight. Iruka looked surprised at him but sighed and leaned his head against Kakashis strong chest, hearing his heartbeat vaguely through the fabric of his clothes.

"I don't know what I want..." he whispered and bit his lip as he remembered the little ones pain filled smile. "I just want revenge over those who have died because of that monster.."

"And taking it out on the person carrying the Kyuubi inside is the right way to do that?" Kakashi didn't sound mad or any thing like it but there was something in his voice that made Iruka uncomfortable with the situation.

"Well it might not be the best idea but..."

"You had your chance just now" Kakashi interrupted, meeting Irukas eyes, pressing his hand back.

"What do you mean?" Iruka asked surprised as he tried to gather his thoughts together.

"That boy..." Kakashi answered and looked back at the house were the little one had disappeared. "He is the son of the fourth Hokage, Namikaze Minato... he is the Kyuubi-kid that you hate so much..."

Iruka staird at him now, feeling his stomach twist. That couldn't be! That boy was so sweet and he looked so innocent. Kakashi had handled him like they were brothers almost and Iruka could never have guessed that...that boy...

"He is stubborn and crazy" Kakashi kept going. "and even though every one hates him for what he is he keeps on going even though he is so tiny... You see there are a lot of people out there who think exactly like you, that they want revenge... well imagine that little boy, without friends cause the other parents knows what he is... Imagine him standing defenceless in a corner with no way out as grown-ups wants to take his life because of something he hasn't done..." He paused for a while as he drew a deep breath. "He has been alone all his life as his father died when he was an infant end his mother is still missing... but still he is the sweetest kid I know... and I'm sure that he is going to surpass his father... some day"

Irukas heart ached ones again with that little boy with those chubby legs and those sky blue eyes. He wasn't a monster... he was a child. A child without parents and with no friends... just like him. How could he hate some one like that little guy? He smiled to himself as he remembered that little smile.

"Kakashi..."

"Yeah..?"

Iruka pressed his head tenderly against Kakashis firm chest, drawing in his scent hungrily, longing for him. Kakashi wrapped his arms around him lovingly, even if Iruka had said such horrible things about that little one. Iruka smiled and closed his eyes.

"What is his name..?" he asked softly, feeling the evening breeze play with his hair.

"Uzumaki Naruto"

"Naruto...?" his smile widened and he met Kakashis gaze with that tender smile, just like the one Naruto had given. "And why does that make me wanna eat ramen all of a sudden?"

Kakashi laughed softly and stroked Irukas cheek smoothly. They were so much a like, Iruka, Obito, Minato, Rin, Naruto... He saw in Irukas eyes the lives of every one and he was happy. There was nothing he wouldn't do for this boy and he would do it all over and over, the beating and the suffering, if he knew he could just stand here at this very spot with Iruka in the end.

His fingers felt cold as he pulled his mask down, reviling his face in the light of the lamp, seeing with a smile how the blush returned to Irukas face. He loved him with all his heart even if it was madness. He was his now. Only his.

"I love you Umino Iruka" he whispered and kissed the boy so tenderly their lips almost didn't touch at all. Iruka gripped the front of his coat and he could feel the soft pressure from Irukas weight as he leaned into his arms.

"I love you too... Hatake Kakashi"

---

_Konoha Gakuen 2001..._

"And remember that this is your final chance! Don't ruin this now students!"

"Yeah sensei we know!"

"Well then... I'll see you tomorrow then!"

"Hai!"

The classroom was emptied quickly as Iruka started cleaning the black board. He sighed to himself as he though of his students. They were to light-headed fro their own good, always making pranks and missing tests and exams... especially... He turned and looked out over the classroom, shaking his head slightly as he saw the sleeping child in the back of the room.

Softly he walked over there, arms crossed but he couldn't be mad. The boy was to involved in all the pranks to get attention that he had no time for ether studying or lessons and most of the time Iruka saw him these days he was sleeping.

"Naruto..." he whispered to his sleeping student and the thirteen year old boy looked up from his books that he had been using as pillow.

"Oh... Iruka-sensei..." he yawned big as a tiger and stretched in his seat, then suddenly realizing he was the only student left in the room. "Oh no... not again... I'm so sorry sensei..!"

Iruka couldn't help smiling as he saw that cute face, remembering how it had been the first time he had seen the little creature. He had always been so happy and free spirited... but he really need to learn how to study and focus from now on.

"Naruto it's okay" he said, patting the blond spikes. "But you know you need too..."

"Naruto are you coming?!" a girl called from the door and the boy looked that way instead.

"Yeah I'm coming!!" the blond stood up, packing his stuff in his bag while Iruka watched.

"Naruto were you even listening to me..?"

"Yeah.. but I've... got to go, see ya later Iruka-sensei!" with that he left the room in a hurry that earth had never seen. Iruka stood there looking out the door, following the boys back as he run after his classmates through the corridor.

The weather was getting darker and the wind was harsh on the trees outside the window. Iruka sighed at the sight of the playing children from the kindergarten near by. He had wanted a child for some time now just because of the tender glow in their eyes and the sweetness of their pure hearts... Then he smiled to himself as in amusement. Why did he need a child when he had a classroom full of little crybabies?

Smooth arms where suddenly wrapped around his slimmed body and he gasped for air as warm lips brushed his neck tenderly.

"Missed me?" the most erotic voice in the world whispered in his ear and teeth nibbled his earlobe.

"More than ever" Iruka smiled and turned to face Kakashi with sparkling eyes. "Why did you take so long?"

"Hehe I was looking after my new cute subordinates" he smirked and kissed Irukas tempting lips without hesitation, their eager tongues stroking as it was the only thing they ever wanted. The smell of Kakashis body made Iruka mad with attraction an he just couldn't help himself as a tender moan slipped out of his parted lips...

Kakashi smirked, his heart pounding so hard in his chest he feared it would burst and flutter away like a big butterfly. He wanted this man with still such intensity that it was mind blowing every time they touched like this. They were meant to be, whether the others approved or not. And this would last, this was for real, this was love.

_-_

_For Iruka;_

_I love you Iruka_

_I love you forever_

_you are my sunshine_

_my sunshine forever _

_my everlasting_

_my eternal_

_I'll never leave you_

_no matter what I do, I'll do it for you_

_-_

_p.s_

_For Kakashi;_

_You're mine now! deal with it! _

_and don't you dare complain!_

_I love you_

_yours truly, Iruka 1991_

_**-**_

_**there we go :')**_

_**I hope you liked it**_

_**and I hope you'll keep up all your good reviewing on other stories as well**_

_**I'm going to write another story now but it is not about KakaIru so I guess a lot of don't feel like reading it :3 but you can always try! :D**_

_**I might post a little preview here so you can check it out! **_

_**(my own characters ;) hehe it really is interesting)**_

_**have a grate time now! I'm gonna miss you guys!! T_T**_

_**God bye!**_

_**Sayonara!**_

_**Hej då!**_

_**Adios!**_

_**Au revoir!**_

_**Do svidanja!**_

_**Avíto!**_

_**Näkemiin!**_

_**Farvel!**_

_**Auf wiedersehen!**_

_**that was just some ^^' sorry! (L)**_


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